FORMER PORT STAR DEDICATES 50 TO SUNNERS (20/4/01)

Remember the Summer of '96? - The sun shone, Mark Jones skippered the club to a Kaufman Cup Final and 6th place in the Mersey Comp, Take That were at number 1 in the hit parade (probably) and Frank Spencer had us all 'in stitches' watching repeats of his 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em' TV comedy show (he did all his own stunts!). Also, Chichester born Pete 'Stixon' Stoner spent a few months (the 'Scabies and Cling Film Months') playing for the Port. Below is a report on the 'Cup Final Nearly Man' who has since made his fortune teaching in Auckland - 'Stoner Stuns some team or other. Gun batsman Peter Stixon Stoner silenced his critics with a composed and obdurate 56 not out which enabled his beleagured team to win only their second fixture of the season. Batting through the innings, he led the charge for Howick and Pakuranga eventually overhauling a target of 179 with only one batsman remaining, driving a single to mid on to finally silence a gobshite Takapuna team, (especially the wicketkeeper who needs to learn that just because he hears a sound it does not necessarily mean the ball struck willow) This was a welcome return to form for Stixon, who had remained 50 less since he left Port Sunlight in 1996. He dedicated his match winning performance to his old team mates on Merseyside, "I had been having a bad trot, well it lasted 4 years, and I received some calls of encouragement from some of the Sunlight boys and it really helped so I owe it all to them really. I think it was Danny Gulliver's comment back in November that he enjoyed my winter visits as he didn't have to watch me bat, that really spurred me on to greater things." Stixon will play a full season for H & P next term. Meanwhile he has joined Fencibles United for the upcoming football season after a protracted transfer rangle with Avonhead 4th's of Christchurch. Though beblistered after his opening training session on Thursday night, he is fit to play Ellerslie on Saturday, kick off 2-45. Spectators are advised to arrive early due to the traffic congestion. "Good luck Port Sunlight, give it your best and I hope to see some of you when I come over in December."'

SIX OF THE BEST FOR ROOKIE RYAN (19/5/01)

Youngster Ryan Kearney overshadowed the return of Mike Barnes (pictured) as he took 6 wickets for 8 runs on Saturday. His efforts helped Port recover from last weekend's drubbing at Woodford and a Friday night Echo Cup exit at the hands of Orrell Red Triangle to record their second league win of the season at home to Barnton on Saturday. The victory puts them in 2nd place in the Meller Braggins League Division 3 - for more click on Match Reports.

SOCCER CLASH KO'S STONER (21/4/01)

Former Sunlight batsman, Pete 'Stixon' Stoner, was knocked out playing football in Auckland last week. Apparently he is okay but said to be 'milking it for all he is worth'.

TEDDY BUOYS PORT (11/5/01)

Batsman and former skipper Teddy Favill was warned last week by a specialist "rest your injured wrist or face permanent damage". The burly Black Countryman, who broke his right wrist last spring in a snowboarding incident, sought medical advice on Thursday after experiencing continuous pain in the vicinity of the fracture.

Medically trained Favill (29) has elected to ignore the advice and will continue to play for the first team. Club captain Rob Martell commented “In the end it is his own choice - I wash my hands of any responsibility. If he declares himself fit then he will play.”

I'LL MAKE DISLEY DIZZY!

Speed king Chris Lawrence makes his first league appearance of the campaign at Disley on Saturday and has already issued a war cry to Port's North East Cheshire based hosts -"I'll make you dizzy!". Bold words from the highly qualified paceman, who not only possesses a devastating bouncer but also, two honours degrees, a PHD, an MBA, a BCG and a PGCE.

Back spasm all rounder Mike Barnes is awaiting results from a specialist after tests earlier in the week and is not risked.

Sabatical Doctor Teddy Favill has safely arrived in Singapore and sends his best wishes from Asia.

BACK WOE FOR DIGGER BUT CHESHIRE RETURNS (14/6)

All rounder Mike Barnes received the news the whole of Port Sunlight had been fearing on Monday when scans revealed two slipped discs and some nerve damage in his lower back.

The plucky former model has been playing through the pain barrier this season to help Port's promotion push but specialists have now warned him "rest your back or risk serious damge!". No time scale has been put on Digsy's lay off period. Club officials will wait to see how he reacts to treatment before green lighting a Martell transfer market foray.

On a more positive note, Cheshire McAllister has recovered from a torn calf muscle and is expected to make his first appearance for a month against Trinity on Saturday. Adam Crosby, stepping up his post broken wrist rehabilitation, will send down his first delivery of the season for John Fowler's Shammah Nicholls XI at the weekend(See team news for more).

EASTHAM EXPRESS 'MEAL' TOO HOT FOR TRINITY (16/5/01)

Port Sunlight scooped 20 points after beating Trinity on Saturday by 9 wickets. The visitors were dismissed for 76 with Chris 'Eastham Express' Lawrence taking 4 of the wickets - see match reports for more.

BARNES ANSWERS S.O.S. & IT'S A BAPTISM OF FIRE FOR RIGGS

Youthful new recruit Ian Riggs launches his Sunners career in the lions den of Sandbach in tomorrow's top of the table division 3 clash. Also facing the league leaders is brave back injury victim Mike 'Digger' Barnes who will play through the pain barrier to bolster Port's batting.

Returning to first team action are Adam Crosby, fresh from a Shammah Nicholls XI 50 and gritty all rounder Martin Naylor. Neary, Tighe, Hill and Byrne all drop out of the side.

Talented father and son double act Billy and Ryan Kearney are expected to feature more with both bat and ball than in recent weeks as the Portsiders look to close the gap at the divisions summit on their South Cheshire oppponents.

Team - Martell (C), Barnes, Crosby, Gulliver, R Kearney, W Kearney, Lawrence, McAllister, Naylor, Riggs, Woods

HATRICK HERO MARTIN 'NAYLS' MAER (15/7/01)

Rookie seamer Martin Naylor completed a stunning hat-trick on Sunday to see off the top order of Maer CC in the cup. Following up a swashbuckling 49 from Paul Bracken which saw Sunners take 187 from their 40 overs, Naylor struck a hammer blow to the Staffordshire side's reply taking the first 3 wickets to fall. The visitors finally fell 42 runs short of their target as they were dismissed for 145.

Father's Day At Lever (27/7/01)

Skipper Porno Martell jets in his father from Kuwait to fill in for late cry off Chris Lawrence. Martell Senior starred with the bat for South West Surrey side Alfold through the 1970s, 80s and early 90s but has since enjoyed his retirement from the cricket scene in the heat of Kuwait.

He returns on Saturday to complete a unique double, certainly in club and possibly in league history, as Sunlight field two father/son combinations in the same 1st XI match, Billy and Zinger Kearney being the other pair. Not since the now infamous Baxter quintets of the late 50s have their been so many family ties on one field for Sunlight. Cheshire McAllister has added cause for excitement as Martell's appearance relieves him of the 'oldest man in the team' tag for the first time since 1978.

YOUNG GUNS LOOK FOR GLORY (11/8/01)

Saturday August 11 – H Vs Burnage

Four first team regulars (well...3 and Bruce) make a return to action on Saturday as Port look to avenge their narrow defeat in South Manchester earlier this term on what has since been described as 'Death Track '01'. Skipper Rob Martell, batter Mark Tighe, all rounder Adam Crosby and doctor Bruce Neary return to bolster a side which looked set for victory last weekend at Barnton before the rain set in. The team includes 8 players who are 27 or younger and only Brendad Woods tops 35 (by a couple of years) making it the youngest ever Port Sunlight 1st XI.

Veterans Graham Kemp and Mark Jones drop down to the Shammah Nicholls XI whilst experienced wicketkeeper Billy Kearney and troublesome youth Martin Naylor are on holiday.

Hopes of fielding Cheshire and ex-Oxton star Phil Thomas (22) were dashed earlier in the week as negotiations to bring the tall youngster to Leverhulme broke down.

Team - Martell(c), Byrne(wkt), Crosby, Hill, Gulliver, R Kearney, Lawrence, Neary, Tighe, Woods, Wright

TEDDY REALISES VAN DREAM DOWN UNDER

Port Sunlight's first ever overseas deal was struck last week when former skipper and current traveller Teddy 'Crazy Horse' Favill bought a camper van off one cap wonder Dan Sneeds (0 not out in a defeat at Wavertree in 1999.) for an undisclosed fee.

The transaction took place in New Zealand as Needs left the Country for Australia. Favill, heading in the opposite direction, is believed to be hoping to use the vehicle for transportation purposes and to store the growing collection of lizards and rocks he has gathered so far on his journey of discovery. "I can't believe I actually own a van" an excited Teddy F commented "In the words of Don King 'I had a dream', but now I've achieved that what next - a lorry?, a submarine? who knows - it hasn't really sunk in yet!"

Club onlookers feel that it is apt that the sale of something with the word 'camp' in it should take place in another former Sunlightman Pete 'Stixon' Stoners adopted home country.

Steve Martell, the club skippers brother who deputised the day Mike Barnes fell down the stairs last Summer, will be sent out to the commonwealth state shortly to see that Favill doesn't hurt himself and to gauge how far out of his depth Stixon really is.

PORNO BREAKS 'MOBILE' PHONE

Club skipper Porno Martell has broken his mobile phone so don't leave any messages on it as he will never receive them (ever).

A replacement is currently being sought, preferably something about a 5th of the size of the broken article. "Something they'll let me on the ferry with would be a bonus" - shops are being touted as the most likely providers of a replacement.

NEW BAT FOR BROODING GENERAL

Skipper Porno Martell has decided against providing a review of the 2001 season for this site and is instead looking forward to the challenge of the 2002 campaign. It will be the maverick southerners 2nd term in charge of The Portsiders and he intends to make it a successful one. "We were inconsistent last year and, apart from one or two notable exceptions, we under achieved. This time around everyone in the squad needs to know their job and take responsibility. It will be a tough season but I know we are good enough to compete with the best. We beat last seasons league champions in the penultimate match of last season and we have to draw strength from that sort of result"

Further stats from the 2001 season will be available on this site soon. Further thoughts and insights from Martell, who bought a new bat on a recent trip to Australia, are expected in his presentation evening speech (date to be confirmed).

AUSSIE SCOUTING MISSION DRAWS BLANK

Port Sunlight's winter bid to lure overseas talent to Leverhulme has failed to reap any rewards, a club spokesman said today.

Referring to Porno Martell's trip to Australia, during which he watched a state match and two test matches, the representative gave 'excessive drinking' and 'spending too much time at the beach topping up his already deep tan' as the key reasons for the 1st team captain's empty handed return to Merseyside.

Therefore, if anyone knows any good cricketers who are currently clubless or unsettled and would strengthen the first team squad get them down to nets. There's a free bottle of Scorpion in it for the person who brings along the best player.

PORT EXILE PIPES UP AGAIN (February 2002)

It is usually at about this time of year that former Sunlight nearlyman Pete 'Stixon' Stoner feels the need to prattle on about former 'glories' and missed opportunities (with a a drizzle of self justification thrown in for good measure) to any poor sod kind enough to listen. True to form Stoner (aka Queenie) has recently broken radio silence, this time with an outburst which has more borstal inmate than qualified teacher about it.

"I just thought I would make the point that as I was held directly responsible for Port Sunlight losing that final against Wavertree in 1996,
(not that it rankles or anything) when we failed by one run, I just thought I would say that this season over here, I successfully anchored a chase for 263 scoring 91 not out. I know its 5 years too late, but I just thought I would state for the record, that I can successfully lead a run chase.

In case anyone is interested, my scores this season have been, 26, 0, 91*, 0, 45. I have also bowled 9 overs 0 maidens 1 for 79. Naturally whenever I manage to get across to the UK in summer I will be anticipating and relishing the chance the open the bowling again.

Incidently, would it be too much to ask the club captain to actually be in the country the next time I visit? He's left the borders of Merseyside
twice in 10 years and happens to choose an occasion when I arrive hoping to visit old mates and visit the Razz and go for a kebab afterwards to come to the southern hemisphere.

This is from Stixon by the way. I've had enough"

Tears of the Clowns

The Sunlight 'Joke Machine' Hovis Williams and Cheshire McAllister have been cruelly split up by a back injury to the latter. Williams will continue to play but probably with a tear in his eye as he spares a thought for his recovering mentor.

WARM WELCOME TO JUNIOR SECTION - April 2002

Port officials are celebrating the news that Sunlight finally have their own junior section. Club skipper Rob Martell regards their arrival as the best news the club could have wished for "youth is obviously the future of this club - I am thrilled that this match up has occurred & look forward to a few scouting missions this summer".

A warm welcome is extended to all involved with the newest addition to the Sunlight empire.

BIG THANKYOU FROM JUNIOR SECTION (4/02)

Just like to say a big thank you for our mention on your web page.

It's great to be at Port Sunlight and I would like to say Thanks to Gary for preparing the practice wickets etc for us, superb!
It has been a trying time for us since we left the "wonderful wirral senior section. Must say that the state of English cricket is a worry even at this level, Help as Jim Royle says.............................e!

Anyway we are sorted we are committed and determined to develop youngsters for the future.

For those of you who don't know him on behalf of all the Committee members of the Junior Section I would like to say a BIG Thank You to Mark Robinson for all his hardwork in dealing with the obstacles put in our way over recent months!

The junior lads said can we have a bigger selectin of sweets behind the Bar please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BARRY HEAYNS - CHAIRMAN JUNIOR SECTION

PORT SUNLIGHT NOMADS FC LAUNCH RECRUITMENT DRIVE

Port Sunlight Nomads FC, the footballing branch of Port Sunlight Cricket Club, are currently in search of new blood. Manager Stuart Hannah has his sights set on 3 or 4 new faces to help reclaim the Garrison Cup (lost to bitter rival British Steel after a cup final panalty shoot out last term after 3 years at Leverhulme) and the Northern Cup (last won by the Nomads in 2000).

If you are interested in playing give Stuart a call (h 0151 353 0647, mobile 07811 144155) or speak to team captain Porno Martell (yes Porno Martell, he captains the football and cricket teams - give him the freedom of the village!!!) on 07815 963874.

Other links between the cricket and football at Sunlight include Chairman Cheshire McAllister who started the team and invented football (as we know it today at least). Teddy Favill is an uncompromising striker come winter and John Fowler managed the first team in 1998 (although his stint at the helm was rather less successful than his successors). Danny Gulliver has put in some commendable dislays as an emergency goalkeeper and Mark Jones used to patrol the midfield in his youth.

Sunners Site Receives National Recognition (August 2002)

There was pleasing news for Sunlight's web-masters last week when it was revealed that their web-site was being held up as a national example of excellence.

The site's hosts, Communigate, had plenty of kind things to say as they urged other sports clubs to look and learn -

'A very accomplished site devoted to Port Sunlight Cricket Club. Not only is it packed full of news and regularly updated, but the site is also very funny - even to the casual reader. Port Sunlight CC has been held up as an example of a good Communigate site nationally, and it's not hard to see why. Check out the "lookalikes" and "player profile" sections to see what we mean.'

Club skipper Porno Martell (pictured) was thrilled with the news - "not only is it a pat on the back for all the people who work on the site - it also puts Port Sunlight Cricket Club firmly on the web map. I particularly like the bit where they say it's very funny".

RECORD NUMBERS ATTEND AWARD CEREMONY

A crowd swelled by the clubs junior ranks enjoyed a spectacular ceremony at the Lobol in Bromborough on Friday 25 October. On a night of many awards for the cream of the club, a few too many Stella's mean that my memory of winners is patchy. I can recall the following -

1st XI Player of the Season - Danny Gulliver (pictured) (517 runs at average of 43)

1st XI Performance of the Season - Adam Crosby (5-55 in 23 over spell, H Vs Woodford)

'.com Catch of the Season' - Gaz Bland, A Vs Chelford

A more complete list of the evening's winners will be posted soon - well done to everyone who was successful and thanks to all who attended on the night.

SUNLIGHT CELEBRATE FIRST JUNIOR SUCCESS!

In the season when Sunlight's 2JF team won their league, there was also cause for celebration in the clubs junior ranks. The Under 11s side won their league (shared with Upton), and also managed to beat Caldy twice - good lads!!! It's also pleasing to see that there is a new Mike Barnes 'on the block'. Hopefully his fine efforts this season will encourage the original to get his back sorted and rejoin the playing staff at Leverhulme (see 'Junior Section' page for a full run down of their triumphant season.)

Also, well done to the Shammah Nicholls side on winning their league! all this success bodes well for a stronger first team squads in the future.

Catch of the Season 2002 (for the '.com Trophy')

WINNER - Catch E : Gary Bland, a Vs chelford

In the game which became known as the Brendan Woods match, there was a rare moment of brilliance from anther Sunlight legend, stand in gloveman Gary Bland. The toes of opening batsman and 1st slip Danny Gulliver aren’t many peoples ideal place to visit but Gary Bland pulled off a stunning full length one handed catch at this very location to remove a Chelford opener in, yes, you’ve guessed, another vital relegation battle.

Champions!

This was a real David v Goliath contest but this time Goliath did not get one in the eye.

The result has to be put into context. Port Sunlight with a very strong team, hyped-up and focused going for maximum points against the league’s weakest team, which contained 9 men (& boys) plus one young lady. On a pleasant, autumnal sunny day, it was only a matter of time.

Wirral bowled very well and early progress was slow. Good knocks from Nethers (34), Steve Jones (29) and The Kaiser (42) enabled a declaration in the 45th over with 163 on the board.

During his innings, Nethers achieved the magical 500 runs for the season, which has reflected his excellent form all season and he has proved to be the star batsman of the team. And to think, we thought he was only in the team for his fielding, jokes, farts and striking good looks, not to mention the teeth.

After tea, Sunlight tore into the opposition like men possessed with 25 points and the league championship at stake. Any anxiety was soon dispelled with Jimmy Roberts firing on all cylinders; the opposition was virtually steamrolled into submission, with only 12 runs coming off the bat. Jimmy claimed 6 wickets for 6 runs, including a brilliant hat trick. No matter what the opposition, this takes some doing! And he only just missed out on another one.

Loggo Williams claimed his 50th wicket of the season to cap another magnificent achievement and John Littlewood at his first attempt behind the stumps took 3 catches.

It was probably fitting that the last wicket of the season and the one that clinched the title was caught Mernock (vice-captain) bowled Ashley (assistant vice-captain). Arthur has been the only ever-present and at age 82, this shows what commitment is all about.

With the maximum 25 points in the bag, it did not matter what our closest rivals, Bunbury, did as we were unassailable.

First winners trophy for the club since 1974!

The Port 163 for 8 dec.
Wirral 25 all out.
Result: Win 25 points and Championship
Man of the match: Jimmy Roberts – 6 for 6.

CASTLE CLASH WHETS PORNO APPETITE (15/5/03)

This Thursday, Port travel to Division 1 big boys Cholmondely in a league cup clash at the castle. Having looked on a map to try to get some directions, former skipper Porno Martell is equally excited at the prospect of visiting the nearby, real life village of 'Tushingham cum Grindley' after the tie. "Where were they in our Village Knock Out glory years!?!" exclaimed the Zambia conceived Wigan based right hander.

Spinning wizard Chimp Hill and batter Mark Jones are also reported to be up for a trip to the neighbouring village - speed merchant Adam Crosby and all round rookie Ryan Kearney have yet to confirm. See team news for more.

EASTHAM EXPRESS RETIRES (April 29 2003)

One player making way this weekend is speedster Chris Lawrence who has sadly been forced to retire from the game due to other commitments. Chris has been a loyal servant to the club throughout the past 15 years, rattling many Liverpool Comp, Mersey Comp and Meller Braggins batting line ups with his fiery fast bowling between earning countless degrees. Team mate during many of those years, Brendan Woods, will pay tribute to 'The Eastham Express' by travelling to Saturday's Meller Braggins League Division 3 encounter at Barrow in a glider.

BYRNEY'S BACK BUT BARNEY'S BROKE (17/7/03)

Mixed news for the Lever Boys as joy at one players comeback is dampened by further injury woe for another 'favourite son' of the club. The formerly tousled (but now cropped) locks of batter and spin bowler Goughy Byrne (pictured) will soon be seen at Leverhulme again. He has been voted out of Grimbsy (his home for the past 6 months) by a whopping 93% of the local population. He will be formally run out of town on July 19, enabling him to don sunlight colours for the first time since May in the Wirral derby the following Saturday. An 'over elaborate pulling technique' and 'bad shoes' are being touted as the main reasons for his ousting from the Lincolnshire settlement. Sadly however, another injury setback for Mike 'Digger' Barnes looks likely to rule him out of action for the coming few weeks. The plucky Bromborougharian, who has barely played for two years due to a persistant back problem, returned to active duty in June to mark the birth of his first child. A successful return to the 2nds was followed up by a call up to first team duties at Peover. He tore his thigh muscle in the fixture however, restricting his involvement that day and putting any future appearances in the near future in extreme doubt.

Captain's Log (May 14-19 and July 25-28)

In a new feature, erstwhile skipper and Everton supporter Danny Gulliver has kindly given www.communigate.co.uk/chesh/portsunlightcc access to his diary. To kick start this new behind the scenes insight into the thinking of the Bebington based veteran, we go to his entry for Wednesday May 14th, on the eve of Sunlight’s trip to Division 1s Cholmondely.....


Wednesday May 14

Big match tomorrow at Cholmondely - with Martin Hardy unavailable I just need to bring in one more player. Martin Naylor would be my first choice but Allan Nethercott has also been catching the eye in practice. Had to break the news to Gaz Bland that he was surplus to requirements now that Billy Kearney was back to take the keepers berth. We were both fighting back the tears (Blandy unsuccessfully).

Cholmondely play at a castle – hope it’s got a moat. Won’t sleep much tonight – too excited!


Thursday May 15

Forgot to go to work today – wondered why I didn’t recognise any of the telly and Lyn wasn’t around. Enjoyed Montel Williams.

Lost at Cholmondely in a very close game and there was no moat (not that I saw anyway) – gutted! there was a sort of small lake but it wasn’t the same. Crazyhorse got another 50 (2 in a row now) but we lost on penultimate ball. Told the team to totally rest up prior to Saturday’s crunch match with Knutsford. It wasn't even really a castle, more flashy stately home with big grounds!


Friday May 16

Had my Friday round of golf today to help relax – have started to hook my putts now which is a concern. Rained all day – will be wet for Knutsford – need to play as this is the time of season when wins are there to be had and confidence can be built.

My teeth hurt – will have to go to one of those so called ‘mouth doctors’. And while I think about it, I need to get Woodsey over to sort doorbell.


Saturday May 17

What a day – won by 106 runs! never seen Sunlight skittle a side like that before (bowled Knutsford out for 58!!!). Out with Porno, Dan Needs and Dave Taylor (of Sunlight football fame) in Liverpool after the match to celebrate…..actually, god knows how I’m writing this – must have polished off at least 10 pints (finished in Raz). Must admit I prefer taste of Tia Maria but got laughed at when I ordered one a few years ago so pretended it was a joke.


Sunday May 18

Still feeling rough but buzzing after yesterday’s win – we’re 4th in league now and travel to high flying Barnton next week. After two defeats at start of season team have bounced back really well. Crosby, Roberts and Favill performing particularly well.

Missed Heartbeat earlier so have come up to bed in a strop (will have to phone Jonesey to see if Greengrass got into any of his usual scrapes). Have heard that the shows hospital spin off ‘The Royal’ is being shown on ITV 3 later in the week which is some consolation.


Monday May 19

Looks like we’ll be unchanged for Saturday’s game at Barnton. Chimp Hill still ruled out – nice not to change a winning team.

I like Goughy’s wispy mullet - thinking about dying mine – black I reckon so I can be a gothic (like ‘The Cure’). That or a pony tail.

Next week in ‘Captain’s Log’ –
Danny gets a hat like Crazyhorse’s
How will Sunlight do at Barnton?
Will he get his doorbell sorted out?

Captain's Log
It's back (at last)! Gulliver has finally deigned to provide us with some more extracts from his diary.

(If you missed the first 'Captain's Log' it can now be found at the very bottom of the 'Previous Articles' page)

We pick up 3 months after the last entry - Danny is preparing excitedly for the derby at Wirral and for a day trip to Birmingham........

Thursday July 24 –

Got angry call off Porno this morning reminding me to submit my diary for the Captain’s log feature on the cricket teams webnet (said I was 3 months late!). He can sod off (loser) – thinks he’s so cool ‘cos he went abroad on holiday and didn’t end up spending half of it in hospital on a drip.

Team sorted for Saturday – Chimp Hill ushering at a wedding but Goughy Byrne is back which will be a welcome boost to our flagging batting. Keen to see if he’s still got his cool wispy mullet hair style – I believe it was the main reason for him having to leave Grimsby.

Heading for Birmingham and Edgbaston tomorrow to watch South Africa test. Was excited until I saw the nobbing England got today (forecast’s sh##e aswell).


Friday July 25 –

Washout in Birmingham – got the train down with Port’s former bowling star John Clare and went straight to ground. Rained all morning and was finally coaxed to pub in town by the rest of the gang (including Needsey, Crazyhorse and Spencer ‘Mad Dog’ Whiting) who’d been on the lash since 10.30. Porno was there as well (trying to look flashy with his tan).

Left lads in Birmingham early evening and headed home to try and get back for final Big Brother results. Just missed them - gutted – I knew Cameroon would win, I knew it!!!! My favourite was Jade, but she wasn’t even in it this year so what chance did she have?!?

Derby match with Wirral at the Grammar School tomorrow – will be tough – they’ve done well since losing at Leverhulme in May. Not tossing well at moment – might ask their captain if we can play conkers instead. I’ve got a 75er (although after I’d beaten Billy K’s 63er with it, he said he’d been lying and that his conker was brand new). Have dowsed in vinegar and put in airing cupboard just incase.


Saturday July 26 –

Goughy’s haircut is amazing – big, with loads of colours and everything. I know Lyn won’t let me have a ‘do’ like that though – she can be a real stick in the mud.

Lost by 1 bloody wicket to Wirral – had them well in trouble but last pair put on 20 or so to see them home. They do bat all the way down but we still should have finished them off. Bing took 6 wickets and bowled really well and Knuckles Roberts took a couple aswell – good to see him back in the wickets. Earlier we’d got our best score of the season having been stuck in (lost the toss – their captain didn’t have a conker and I couldn’t grasp the rules of his suggestion ‘Paper, Rock, Scissors’.)

Hulk of a man in pub near ground afterwards shoved me out of way at the bar (was the size of a f###ing polar bear with slightly less brains) – he was trying to stare me out aswell. Told him where to go but I don’t think he heard me from my car – no one messes with me!!! Do need to keep Jimmy Roberts closer to me in future though.


Sunday 27 July

Still disappointed after yesterday’s defeat – looking over our shoulders at drop zone with some tough games coming up. Looks like we’ll lose Goughy, Knuckles and Woodsey next week aswell – Woodsey hasn’t been away since the mid 80s! We visit Knutsford who we skittled in May – they’ve done really well since then and are sure to come at us hard.

Went to work but it was all locked up – cleaner round back told me it was Sunday – got confused ‘cos I’d been off on Friday. Popped down to Goodison instead to see if any matches were on – still nothing. There’s been nothing going on there for weeks now – what’s going on? Hope FA don’t find out!


Monday 28 July

Selection dilemma’s for next weekend – need to find 2 players from 2nd team. Bracken is in but I need to choose between Naylor, Ashley or Maher for the final spot. Not sure Blandy’s got over being dropped earlier this season – his form has certainly suffered. Rumour has it Porno’s dad’s in the country anyway so we’ve got back up.

Phoned up Knutsford captain to put my conkers idea to him. I was only trying to avoid the old ‘I haven’t got one’ problem we faced at Wirral but he just thought I was joking and said he’d see us on Saturday. Have swotted up on ‘Paper, Rock Scissors’ now anyway and if he suggests that I know I can beat him (nothing beats rock).

Saw a bloke who looked just like former Sunlight player Pete ‘Devious’ McClelland today – it’s a small world!

Next week

More sightings of people who look a bit like people Danny knows
A hair dyeing attempt ends in tears
Will that doorbell get sorted?

AWARDS CEREMONY BIG SUCCESS (NOV '03)