TAKEN SHORT

TAKEN SHORT
We were in the mess getting ourselves ready to do the forenoon watch, our duty was to relieve 'B' guns crew, who have just done their four hours standing by 'B' gun ready for any action. Before we went up top to relieve the other crew, my mate Bill said to me , "Here Jim I have not been to the toilet for four days". So I looked round at some my mates with a grin on my face, and said, "Any one got any Andrews Liver Salts?". There was no answer at that moment, when suddenly some one shouted out ."There is a tin in the mess locker." So we went to the mess locker and found the tin and gave it to Bill, he looked at the tin and said how much have I got to take (we all had a little grin). "Well," we said. "You being a big lad and the length of time you haven't been to the toilet, we reckon about two table spoons." Everybody nodded in agreement, that should shift it. So Bill went away to get some warm water for his liver salts, he came back put the two table spoons in the warm water, and we shouted out "bottoms up Bill", and down it went (I don't know how I kept a straight face).
Any we mustered on 'B' gun deck to wait for the leading hand to tell us what times we had to do manning the telephone. What really happens is that the phone is manned all the time by each member of the crew, each one does half an hour on the phone, while the other crew members sit in a little metal hut just underneath the bridge. So back to the funny part, unbeknown to Bill we had a word with the Leading Hand asked him if he could give Bill the first half hour on the phones, with a little snigger he said alright so he shouted out Bills name "your first on the phone."  "Okay Hooky," he said. So away Bill went to the rear of the gun and put the earphones on, ready for a call to stand to, mind you we were all in the hut nice and warm, the only way Bill could keep warm was to walk up and down at the rear of the gun, as long as his phone lead will let him, you can imagine what is going to happen with all that walking up and down.
All of us reckon within ten minutes or quarter of an hour he will be relieved of his burden all down his legs, and he will be shouting to someone to relieve him. He kept on shouting, Jim no answer. Lofty no answer, and then it went all quiet. When his half hour was up I went out to relieve him, and there he was frightened to move, he still managed to call me all the names under the sun, but we were still mates he took it all in his stride. He never bore malice. We all laughed about it when we went ashore but he did say - I will get you one day 'Spudger'.