Lancashire Pace Egg Play
 Such plays were circulated throughout the county by means of chapbooks, cheap publications available to the common people.
Characters:
LORD NELSON; ST GEORGE; OLD TOSS POT; TURKISH KNIGHT; OLD PADDY; KING OF EGYPT; MALLY BROWN BAGS; DEVILTY DOUBT; INTRODUCER
(Everybody sings:)
Here's two or three jolly boys all in one mind,
We've come a-pace-egging and hope you'll prove kind,
We hope you'll prove kind with your eggs and strong beer,
We'll come no more nigh you until the next year.
Fol de roodle di diddle dum day,
Fol de roodle di diddle dum day.
Enter LORD NELSON. Chorus sings:
The first that comes in is Lord Nelson you see
With a bunch of blue ribbons tied down to his knee;
He's a star on his breast which like diamonds doth shine,
And he's come-a-pace-egging, it's pace-egging time.
(Chorus)
Enter JACK TAR. Chorus sings:
The next that you see is a Jolly Jack Tar
Who fought with Lord Nelson during the last war.
He's arrived from the sea Old England to view,
And has come a-pace-egging with our jolly crew.
(Chorus)
Enter OLD TOSS POT. Chorus sings:
The next that comes in is old Toss Pot you see,
He's a valiant old fellow in every degree.
He's a hump on his back and he wears a pig tail,
And all he delights in is drinking mulled ale.
(Chorus)
TOSS POT (speaks)
In comes I a nivver come yet,
Wi' me girt 'ead and me lill wit,
And if me wit be nivver sae sma',
Me and me pompey'll conquer you all.
Enter OLD PADDY. Chorus sings:
The next that comes in is old Paddy from York,
With his sickle and bundle he's come to seek work.
But work is so scarce it's compelled him to beg,
And he's come along wi' us to seek a Pace-egg.
(Chorus)
The next that comes in is old Mally Brown Bags,
She's so careful of money she goes in old rags.
She's gold and she's silver and copper in store
And she's come a-pace-egging and hopes to get more.
(Chorus)
Enter MALLY BROWN BAGS
MALLY MASKET
In comes I, old Mally Masket,
Under me arm I carries me basket,
In me basket I carries me eggs,
In pocket I drops me brass
And I think mesel' a jolly old lass.
Enter the DEVIL with horns.
DEVIL
In comes I Beelzebub,
And on my shoulders I carry a club
And in my hand a frying pan,
And I think myself a jolly old man.
Enter DEVILTY DOUBT with a hump and a broom.
DEVILTY DOUBT
In comes I, old Devilty Doubt,
If you don't give me something I'll sweep you all out.
'Tis money I want and money I crave,
Or I'll sweep all the lot of you into the grave.
Enter the TURKISH KNIGHT. Chorus sings:
The next that comes in is a bold Turkish Knight,
From a far distant country he's come for to fight.
He'll meet with St George and will fight with him here,
To show him a hero knows nothing to fear.
(Chorus)
INTRODUCER
Room, room, brave gallants, give us room to sport,
For to this room we're wishful to resort.
Resort, and to repeat our merry rhyme,
Good sirs, remember it's pace-egging time.
The time to go out pace-egging doth once again appear,
So we come to act our play before you good folks here.
Now that you hear the trumpet sound and hear us beat the drum,
Make room, make room, brave gentlemen, and let our actors come.
ALL
We are the merry actors that travel through the street,
We are the merry actors that all fight for our meat.
We are the merry actors that show this pleasant play,
So stir up the fire and strike a light, then -
Step in St George and clear the way.
ST GEORGE steps forward and says:
ST GEORGE
I am St George of England, that noble champion bold,
Who with my hands and sword did win three crowns of gold.
'Twas I that fought the fiery dragon and brought him to the slaughter
And by those means I also won the King of Egypt's daughter.
I've travelled all the world around and around,
But a man to equal me never have found.
Show me the man that dare before me stand!
TURKISH KNIGHT steps forward and says:
TURKISH KNIGHT
I am Black Prince of Paradise,
From Afric's land I came
On purpose to fight thee St George
Upon this very plain.
Of Black Morocco I am King, of fiery renown,
And with my sword I soon shall fetch thy lofty
courage down.
ST GEORGE
Stand back, thou black Morocco dog,
Or by sword thou'lt die.
I'll cut thy body in four parts and make thy
buttons fly.
TURKISH KNIGHT
Thou braggart, and thou boasting man,
That is not in thy power.
For I'll cut thee into slashes in less than half an hour.
ST GEORGE
Oh, slashing man! Oh slashing man!
Don't tell so many lies,
For I'll cut thee into slashes as small as any flies
And send thee back across the sea to make into mince pies.
Mince pies hot, and mince pies cold,
I'll send thee to Black Sambo before thou'rt three days old.
Stand back thou black Morocco dog and let no more be said,
For if I draw my glittering sword, I'll surely break thy head.
TURKISH KNIGHT
How canst thou break my head,
When my head is made of brass and my body made of steel?
My legs and arms are knuckle bone, I'll challenge thee to feel.
ST GEORGE
So ! so ! Bold Moor, neither boast nor stand,
But quickly draw and take thy sword in hand.
Let either one or both of us be slain,
Before we end and sheathe our swords again.
They start fighting. TURKISH KNIGHT falls saying:
TURKISH KNIGHT
I am a bold and valiant knight and Slasher is my name,
Full many battles have I fought and always won the same,
But from St George I have received this bloody wound today.
Hark! Hark! The silver trumpets sound, I must no longer stay.
Enter KING OF EGYPT.
KING OF EGYPT
I am the King of Egypt as plainly doth appear,
I've come to seek the young Black Prince who is my son and heir.
Who is the man who did him slay, his precious blood did spill,
Who is it that upon this ground my dearest son did kill?
ST GEORGE
I did him slay, 'twas I that did him kill
And on this ground his precious blood did spill
He challenged me to fight and why should I him deny?
Before I would a coward be I'd fight until I die.
KING OF EGYPT
Oh, George! Oh George! What hast thou done?
Thou's gone and slain my only son ,
Mine only son, mine only heir,
How can'st thou see him bleeding there?
MALLY MASKET
A Doctor ! A Doctor ! Ho, ho ! What ho for a doctor!
TOSS POT
Here I am, a Doctor, but I will not come to thee under ten pounds.
KING OF EGYPT
I'll give ten, fifteen, twenty pounds for a Doctor!
TOSS POT
I am an actor, too.
KING OF EGYPT
I don't want an actor, I want a doctor ! Art thou a doctor?
TOSS POT
I am a Jack of all trades.
MALLY MASKET
How cam'st thou be a Jack of all trades?
TOSS POT
By my travels.
MALLY MASKET
How far hast thou travelled?
TOSS POT
I have travelled all up and down the country
this sort of manner and that. I have travelled
from my grandmother's bedside to the fireside
and from the fireside to the cupboard side where
I have got many a lump of mouldy cheese and
pie crust which made me such a rollicking,
bullocking sort of boy as I am.
MALLY MASKET
Is that all?
TOSS POT
No! I have travelled round Italy, Spitally, France
and Spain, all round England and back again.
MALLY MASKET
Can'st thou cure this poor man?
TOSS POT
Aye, I can cure him as thou shalt quickly see.
MALLY MASKET
What can'st thou cure?
TOSS POT
I can cure the itch, the stitch, the palsy and the gout,
The plague within and the plague without.
And if there be nineteen devils in that man skull,
I'll surely cast twenty of them out.
MALLY MASKET
Is that all?
TOSS POT
No! If you bring me an old woman of eight score eight,
Let her chin and her nose be both of a height,
I'll make her as pretty as that damsel over there.
(Points at some girl.)
MALLY MASKET
Is that all?
TOSS POT
No ! As I was going through St Paul's Churchyard
Even the very dead came running after me saying,
'Doctor! Doctor! Give me one of your never failing pills,
It's a pity that such a man as I should have died.
MALLY MASKET
Is that all?
TOSS POT
No! I've got in my pocket spectacles for blind
bumble bees, crutches for lame ducks, pack
saddles for grasshoppers and many other useful
things.
MALLY MASKET
Is that all?
TOSS POT
No ! I've got a bottle in my inside, outside
rightside, leftside waistcoat pocket, which my
grandmother sent me from Spain three days
after she died, that will surely bring any dead
man back to life again. Why! I cured Sir Harry
of a disease twenty yards long, and surely I can
cure this poor man of his disorder.
Kneels down and hands the wounded man a bottle.
Here Jack, take a drop of this my nip nap,
Let it run down thy tip tap.
Now, if thou art not entirely slain,
Rise up and fight again.
The TURKISH KNIGHT drains the bottle, stands up and shouts:
TURKISH KNIGHT
Oh ! My back !
TOSS POT
What now is amiss with thy back?
TURKISH KNIGHT
My back is bound, my sword is sound,
I'll have St George another round.
TOSS POT
Stop! Stop those swords without delay,
And fight it out another day.
All form up in a ring and sing:
Now ladies and gentlemen that sit round the fire,
Put your hands in your pockets, that's all we desire.
Put your hands in your pockets and pull out your purse
And give us a trifle, you'll not feel much worse.
TOSS POT then collects the money in his hat and MALLY MASKET goes round with her basket for eggs. The performers were usually given refreshments and 'summat to sup'. |
