Thwaites' stalemate over ????

After hours of negotiations at Thwaites FC's training headquarters,
midfield maestro Dominic Hopwood has finally agreed terms with the
Blackburn 7-a-side Premiership team.

Standing outside in the cold, he gave this brief statement.............

"After many hours of soul searching, I have decided to accept the
offer that Thwaites have made to me. My agent (Eric "monster monster" Hall)
was not too keen as he said that Manchester United saw me as the ideal
replacement for David Beckham and that they were even willing to offer me
plastic surgery too, but my heart says that it must be Thwaites"
Standing by his side, Eric Hall looked glum as the star man read out
his statement. Hall added
"I could have got him Man U but he wants to come here. I don't know
why, but he loves the club, the fans and brotherly love has won through in
the end. I'll just have to smoke less cigars !!!"
Hopwood refused to comment any further saying only that he had to
leave. He then drove off in his top of the range sports car to attend, what
is believed to have been, the opening of a marrow farm. It is believed that
he has accepted a basic 2 and a half year deal (shin pads) with goal and
performance bonuses (a pint of lager for every goal scored and all marks
over 8). It is also believed that cash strapped Thwaites will heavily rely
on stand in chairman Jamie Hopwood to fund this !!!!!!!!
Hopwood has had a glittering career. It all began back in 1984 when he
played for the mighty Feniscowles County Primary School. He then went on to
play for St. Wilfrid's before moving to the University of Teesside.....all
this while playing as a goalkeeper !!! It was not until 1997 that his true
talents were discovered. It was during a kick about on "Feni rec" when
former Newcastle and England manager Kevin Keegan saw his true potential.
Kevin explains.....
"I had been looking for a decent midfielder all season. Shearer was
just not getting the service he needed. I first clocked eyes on him
(Hopwood) while I was driving through Blackburn one day. I saw this group
of blokes all dressed in white and so I stopped, thinking it was a Gay
Pride event. To my disappointment they were all dressed to play cricket,
but, before the game, they were kicking a ball about. Well, what can I say,
as soon as the ball left his (Hopwood's) foot it was like watching Paul
Daniels.....Magic. I offered him a 5 year deal on the spot ".
Hopwood formed a great partnership with Rob Lee and, towards the end
of the 90's, was close to an England call-up. Keegan went on to say....
" I tried to sign him while I was at Fulham but Fat Freddie (Shepherd)
would not sell. I then became England manager and I would have picked him
but he sustained that terrible injury and that was it...by the time he was
fit I had resigned."
Keegan insists that he would love to see Hopwood at Maine Road but
doesn't think that Dominic would be willing to drop down a division.

It is hoped that Thwaites will issue a statement giving full details and a
press conference is expected later today