Neekor

Part 1

Chief inspector Gobshite looked up from the cluttered desk in front of him and surveyed the slip, oriental-looking young man who was standing on the other side of the room.

“what are you doing here?” Gobshite barked at the inscrutable-looking oriental-type chappie.

“Wang king, sir”, came the inscrutable reply, couched as it was in an enigmatic, inscrutable tone, reminiscent of the ancient ways of the Samurai of old…(Get on with it!-Ed).

Gobshite thought about this for a moment as he eyed the newcomer suspiciously. “And how often do you do this “Wang King?”

“Evely day, sir, and sometimes I give demonstlations at weekends.”
“Demonstrations,” spluttered the chief Inspector, suddenly becoming more interested. And do these, er, demonstrations go down well with the audience?”

“Yes, sir,” came the enthusiastic answer. “Rast week, the audience apprauded for ten minutes or more. Ifyou ret me give a demonstllation to the women porice officers, I fink you’d crap yourself.”

“I think I bloody well would.”

Just then, the door opened and PC Knacker entered.
“What is it, Knacker?”Gobshite shouted impatiently.
“Your coffee, sir.”
“Well, put it down, man.”
Knacker carefully placed the battered tray on Gobshite’s desk and handed him the coffee pot and cup.

Gobshite looked at Knacker and said, “What do you make of this, Knacker? Charlie Chappatti here reckons he’d like to demonstrate Wang King to the WPCs”

“You’re crackers, sir,” replied Knacker as he handed his chief a packet of crackers and a selection of cheeses that were melting in the summer heat and sticking to the thick end of a French roll.

“I don’t mind giving a demonstlation at all, sir,” chimed in the eastern-featured young man. In fact, if you can glab a porice woman fight now, I’ll give her one in front of you.”

Chief Inspector Gobshite looked aghast.

“Hang on a minute,” said Knacker with a flash of realisation. “Aren’t you sergeant Neekor, recently appointed to the post of martial arts instructor, expert in kicking the shit out of innocent civilians?”

“The vely one,” answered Neekor through his inscrutable grin.

“You mean to say this person isn’t some sort of sex pervert?” asks Gobshite.”

“I don’t know about that, sir,” said Knacker, “but he is a fully fledged police officer.”

“And how the hell am I supposed to know that, if no-one tells me these things?” gobshite enquired.

“Er, well, he is in full uniform, sir.”

“There you go again,”,screamed Gobshite at his hapless minion, “stating the bleeding obvious. In this business we suspect everyone. If the bloody Pope came through that door right now, I’d have a confession out of him before you could say It’s a fair cop, guv, I’ll come quietly.”

“A confession? You a catholic, then sir?”

“Knacker,” Gobshite said wearily, “you have the intellectual capacity of a brain-damaged gnat. If you ever needed extensive brain surgery, all that would be needed would be for a machete-wielding maniac to slice off the top of head and drop a few marbles into the empty space between your ears.”

“Right, guv”, beamed Knacker at the rare compliment.

Gobshite turned to Neekor. “Right”, he said slowly as he got up from his desk and wondered over to where Sergeant Neekor was standing. “So – This Wang King…..any good, is it?”

“”It certainry is, sir, and vely enjoyable.”

“All right”, sighed Gobshite as he strolled out of the room. “Report to me at nine tomorrow, and we’ll see what we can do with you.”

“Rubbery”, exclaimed Neekor at the prospect of his first assignment.