look back
a night at the theatre
a liverpool ode
quasimodo
A Songwriters Passing
Grangetown Allstars
the pearly gates
'B'Movie Stars Of The 40's and 50's
True Life Stories
Norman Evans MBE
Holiday Woes and Go's
Lets Have A Debate
Ann Breen's Farewell Concert
Point To Point
Whats in YOUR Medicine
Do You Remember--
Whatever Happened To-----------
We will Remember Them
I WasThere When-----
Rowing the Atlantic
Redcar Group
Post Cards
Memories of War Time
Coronation St Remembered
Contact Information for friendship group for widows and widowers
Links for friendship group for widows and widowers
Message Board
Guestbook
Event Calendar
Mail Form
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A Scouse's Tale
Two Scouse lads working away from home and one was writing a letter home and he said to his mate "Er wack er ow do ya spell darrel?" and his mate asked him why and he said "Cos I'm writing to my mam, please send me a pair of boots darrel fit. and his mate said "Yer daft divvy it's not darrel fit it's wottel fit." |
Pardon
A chap who was very deaf ordered a hearing aid from a catalogue over four months ago and he hasn't heard anything since. |
yodaling
How was Yodaling invented?
A man was skiing in the mountains and it was getting dark so he had to find somewhere to stay. He came across a chalet and knocked on the door.The owner answered and the man asked if he could stay the night. The owner refused as he only had two rooms, one for him and his wife and one for his two beautiful daughters.The man begged him to allow him to stay saying he could sleep in the lounge. The owner agreed providing he did not pester his daughters.Next morning at the crack of dawn the man was off skiing down the mountain. The daughters came down and complained the man had been into their room and tried to kiss them. The owner ran outside and shouted "You pestered my daughters last night" and the man replied" AN YOR OL LADI TOO-OOOO". |
IT'S THE WAY YOU SAY IT
A soldier was rehersing for his passing out parade and the RSM said to him,"If Her Majesty The Queen was to speak to you how would you address her?". The soldier replied " YOUR ROYAL HARNESS SIR" and the RSM replied "HARNESS, HARNESS, THAT'S WHAT YOU PUT ON A BLOODY OSS" |
puzzle
Two elderly ladies were doing a crossword and one said to the other,"WHATS ANOTHER NAME FOR A POSTMANS BAG.?"and the other lady said"HOW MANY LETTERS ARE THERE,?"and the first lady said" BLOODY HUNDREDS" |
London
A chap who'd had many labouring jobs but fell on hard times, was desparate for any job.He was sent to a Wood Yard by the Job Centre and the forman asked him if he could drive a lorry and was he good at Geography.Wanting the job he said yes to both questions.The forman told him to drive to London with a lorry load of wood.Every town and village he came to he stopped in the High St and asked a passerby, "EH MATE IS THIS LONDON" and the passerby would say no and keep going.At last he drove onto Tower Bridge in the rush hour and stopped causing a massive tail back. A Policeman came up and told him to move and the chap said, "EH MATE IS THIS LONDON" and the Policeman said it was and the chap said,"WHERE DO WANT THIS WOOD" |
A Policemans Lot
Two Policemen walking down a street noticed a man walking towards them with a girl on his back. Both were completely naked so the Policemen asked what they were doing and the man replied "I'M GOING TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY AS A TORTOISE AND THIS IS MICHELLE |
Saddam's Lament
Saddam's lawyer went to see him and said"You know you may be facing the death penalty"and Sadam said"MAKE SURE IT'S BECKHAM THAT DOES IT". |
It Was Like this Me Lord
A man was up before the Judge, on an assault charge and the Judge asked him what happened and he explained.He said "Me and the wife called in to a DIY store to get some paint when this bloke came up to us and said DO YOU WANT DECKING?, SO I HIT HIM FIRST ME LORD". |
Party Invitation
After working in the computer business for 20 years a man decided to take early retirement and escape from the stresses of urban life by buying 50 acres of hill land in Vermont.
His home was completely isolated and for the first six months the only people he saw were the mailman and the milkman. Then one evening he was surprised by a knock on the door. Standing there was a big Vermontan hill-billy.
"Hi there fella I'm Caleb,your neighbour from over the ridge four miles away. I'm having a party Saturday night and I thought you may like to come"
" That sounds good",he said, "I'd like to meet some local folk"
"Oh but I gotta warn you", the hillbilly said,"there's gonna be some heavy drinking"
" Don't worry", the newcomer said, " I used to be in computers and some of those guys could drink for America"
"Oh and there's most likely be some fighting", --"Thats no problem, I get on with most folks"
"Oh, and I've seen some real wild sex at these parties".
"Great,after six months up here on my own that's just what I need!!"
"Right, I'll see you on Saturday night about eight", said Caleb
"One thing",said the newcomer, "What should I wear"?
"Whatever you want,there's just gonna be the two of us!" |
Facts You Did Not Know
If you yelled for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey,I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football fied.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average,nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous,do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay,so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch,they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
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It is small isn't it
DOCTOR VISIT
"Don't laugh!" said the patient. "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," the patient said, and proceeded to drop his rousers,revealing the tiniest 'tail' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and re gain his composure. "I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me.
On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.
Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen", the patient replied.
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