Quality Time
Granddad of the Year?
Ayazz! That knacks that ! What it is, right,is Aa’ve gorra massive keggy an’ me poor cracked ribs are sore as! Aa can’t laff no way. An’ looka, don’t youse lot laff neither jus coz Aa look like Our Lass ‘as brayed us with the poker. Aa mean, looka, Aa’m injured big style. Aa’ll probably never werk agen. An’ all coz Aa spent a bit of quality time with me grand kids! An’ before yer say owt, naw, Aa never done it when Aa was kaiolied, yer cheeky nowt! It was last Satder
Me daughter sez . Owee look after the bairns Dad while Aa take our Mam shoppin down the Liddl. So Aa sez o.k like..better than goin shoppin eh?
And ere’ Aa am lookin after them again..Well you can’t go anywhere sez Our lass. Tekkin a right lend of me thee are. Ayazz yer doyle! Aa’ll ploat you Our Kyle if Aa get me ands on yer..well me one good and eh. ‘E keeps gettin a sly bat in every time ‘e goes past. Ow! Once more an’ Aa’ll shot that flamin’ Play Station in the wheelie bin! That’ll learn yer! That’s the only thing that werks these days,eh? Sayin’ yer’ll take the scart lead out. Far less tew than brayin’ em, eh? Yer’ll probably still get done by the soash for it though, eh?
Aa mean, kids these days eh? All vidyos an’ DDT’s an’ the interweb an’ that, an’ ther still bored. So last Satder when Aa got landed with’em, Aa took ‘em out ter play some real games, y’know, like kerby, kickycanspyo, alleys, tip-tap & beck-jumpin
So Aa showed them tip tap fest ..yer know when yer put a stick over a brick or sommat then it with another stick so it jumps in the air like and then yer’ve got ter smack it before it its the ground. Ther couldn’t get it no how. Sackless ther was. Fair enough Aa couldn’t it meself but the owld eyes aren’t as good as ther were . Aa mean when Aa was their age, Aa useter smack it fer miles!
But then it appened. Only fell off a Tarzy, didna. eh? Eh? What a doyle.! Looka ,Aa know Aa should know better at my age , but well, we was down by the beck and Aa saw it ,an’ well, Aa was the Berwick Hills an’ Park End Tarzy King 1956 me, so Aa was strite over. Aa made our Kyle go fuggy an’ Our Charlie ‘ad a little go an’ then Aa showed ‘em, shot meself onto it big style like, givin’ it Geronimo an’that but some nowt musta sawed the branch through or sommat coz it just went like. Brickin it Aa was, me. Ten foot Aa musta flew , arms an’ legs flappin’ like a cartoon, smacked inter an owld Asda trolley. Dother elp me? Dother nowt.” Yer’ve been framed “ther was saying. Aa’m only pullin meself outa the beck when our Charlie gets the ang of tip tap and really gives it some welly. The stick wud of really flew like if sommat adn’t been in the way like my ead. The stick only smacks me strite in the gob and Aa’m back in the beck again. Mind you this time Aa missed the Asda barra. Only landed on a pile of ouseys some fly tippin gadge had hoyed there ,eh? Dother care? Dother nowt! There thought it funny as. Aa’m limping ome, still spitting teeth an’ pickin bits o’ wall brick outa me bum and there sayin, “That was mint granddad. We’re not bored now Grandad. That’s the best Satder we’ve ever ad. Can we do it again next Satder,” ther sez. “ Nick off.” Aa sez.
Aa mean. Looka us! A martyr me, Aa should get GrandDad o’ the year, me , instead Aa get me eye keggied , crack me ribs, loss me front teeth .Aa ave to sit on a rubber ring thingy , an west of all Aa’ve knacked me drinkin arm!
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