Archive: Clerihews

Alison Paine
Said 'how often must I explain?
My box is purple; there's no excuse
For calling it maroon or puce.'



Mick Onions
Doesn't like fun runs.
He prefers to go less far -
Just from here to the bar.



John Creber
Is not much like an amoeba.
Most single-celled protozoa
Play 'Laudnum Bunches' much slower.



Sue Wales
Dances among Havocs as well as Vales;
Along with Playford
Cotswold morris she has favoured.

Steve Nyman
Was not a shy man
His voice resounded like Jove's
When he sang Matty Groves

Liz Harrison
As a map reader has no comparison
Wherever you are dancing
She can drive you, from John o'Groats to Lancing

Geoff Woods
Was rather fond of puds.
His stomach would rumble
At the thought of Barbara's apple crumble

John Brett
Had only one regret.
It would always irk him
To reach the end of the firkin.

Kate Keen
Thought her instrument had lost its sheen.
So she rubbed her concertina
With Ribena.

Barbara Brett
Was afraid her bodhran would get wet
Even after three months' drought
She wouldn't get it out.

Jane Merrow-Smith
Astonished her kin and kith
By playing the songs of Harry Lauder
On her recorder.

Ed
Could never be bothered to get out of bed
But on Saturdays he would change his locus
In time for Football Focus

Caroline Gibbs
Was always telling fibs
She'd say she was crap on the box -
What a load of old socks!

Catherine Crane
Said ‘I wish you’d try to explain
The dances with rather more skill;
I can’t tell my Hunt the Squirrel from my Banbury Bill

Barbara Payne
Sent me a photograph of Wardrobes Lane
But her clothes are never hanging
Because she's too busy twanging.

Susie Onions
Is one of the sunny ones.
A smile from Susie
Stops us all feeling bluesy

Julie Mabbutt
Had an unfortunate habit
Of dancing Vandals
In high-heeled sandals.

Jackie
invested in laccy.
'Don't want the knickers to fall down
in the middle of hands around.'

Stephen Nelson
Enjoys putting his bells on.
But if he drops a hankie
He gets cranky.

Nancy Aitken
Was a very busy Maedchen.
She had no time for dandlin'
Her mandolin.

Peter Day
usually has nothing to say
but has been known to frame
an answer to 'Pint of the same?'

Ben Fisher
might have been called Patricia
his Mum and his Dad
weren't expecting a lad

Denise McKillop
Wanted the buckets to fill up.
So she ran through the crowd with curses
Shouting 'Get out your purses!'

Emma Barley
Has fewer arms than the goddess Kali
For a morris dancer to be thus
Is a plus.

Emma Gardner
mixed the adhesive and the hardener
and to prove she couldn't be keener
she glued herself to her concertina

Vicky Oldfield
Preferred not to dance in a cold field.
But learning morris at Botley
Kept her blood flowing more hotly.



Jim Hague
On telling Bampton from Adderbury was rather vague.
But he was remarkably quick
At distinguishing a hankie from a stick.



Audrey Nyman
Was very good at rhymin’;
With no pretensions to be arty,
She was a wow at the Christmas party.

Penny Taylor
Was never tempted to enlist as a sailor.
She reckons, with any luck,
She’ll get as close to water as she needs by being a Duck.

John Keen
Was normally quite serene.
But sometimes his brow would wrinkle;
So he would give a little tinkle.

Vikki Rose
Joined Havoc, I suppose,
Since after the Oxford Folk Festival
She needs an activity both folky and aestival.

Clare Jeffrey
Used to be carefree.
But Havoc soon destroyed her sense of order
When she substituted Cotswold for Border.

Fiona Nutbrown
Always looked not up but down*
But the audience will forgive you every sin
If you give them a grin.
*This is a gross libel. Sorry.

Emma Gardner
Thought it would harden her
If she learned to play Banks of the Dee
While standing up to her neck in the sea.

Ben Fisher
Is a natural hanky-swisher
And also very quick
At grasping what to do with a stick

Ed Pritchard
scratched an itch hard:
'I've come out in lumps all over,
playing the Wild Rover.'

Liz Robson

said same to you with knobs on!

You think morris looks foolish?

We think it's cool! (ish)






Danielle Duggan

Is fond of various forms of fruggin'*

But the kind that really makes her tick

Needs hankies, or a stick.

*to frug = to dance, after a dance of the same name from the sixties


Isobel Perry

Sings some songs that are merry,

But you’ll have more often heard her

Sing of misery and murder!


Paul Hartwell

His Havoc career did start well;

But now we gently weep

For he's gone north to worry sheep.