Man in the Dugout reports 2000-01
New kit launched
Fixtures 2000 - 01
Your prayers please
Your Prayers Answered
Club Badge
Awards - Yes, we did win one!
2001 - 2002 - A Street Odyssey Continues
Fixtures 2001-02
Could this Be The Year? Reports 2002-03
2002-03 Fixtures and Results
Support Our Sponsors
2003-04: European Union
2003-04: Results, Fixtures
Roma Therapy
The Greatest Football Tournament in the World
2004-2005: Attack of the Minty Badgers
Street's New Training Regime
Meet the team!
Union Street's festive picture gallery!
The Union Street Awards 2004/05!
der Mann in heraus gegraben DAM diary 2005
2005-06: When badgers learn to fly
Street Talk
Knee-Jerk Reaction: Ben's Countdown to Germany 2006
Bolz WM Gonzo Diary
Pre-Seasonal Tension
2006-07: MInty Badgers Save the World
Plumbing new depths
Direkt Von Dem Dugout - Koln 2007
Union Street Awards: Season 2006 - 2007
2007-08: For a Few Seasons More
Wham, Bam, Thank You DAM
Message Board
Guestbook
Event Calendar
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2004-2005: Attack of the Minty Badgers
 Read on for match reports from the mysterious 'man in the dugout'. |
Too sexy?
 The arrival of Right Said Fred – Street’s sexy new central defensive pairing – couldn’t stop a frustrating opening defeat away to Bullnose Morris. On arrival Street could have been forgiven a feeling of déjà vu – the baking sunshine, flat grassy pitch and general air of camaraderie bringing to mind the summer’s German exertions. However, despite weathering an early Bullnose onslaught – with Right Said Fred solid in the centre of defence and an athletic Danny saving all before him – two quick goals before half time gave Bullnose a deserved, if hard-fought, half-time lead. As ever, adversity brought the best out of Street’s summer heroes, and a battling second half performance – graced with the sexy football we’ve come to expect from the Mighty Hoops – should have brought reward. The bar was struck, opportunities created and midfield exchanges won comfortably, but alas no goal forthcoming. And, just when it felt like the Minty Badgers might sneak back in to the contest, a killer set-piece from Bullnose wrenched the game away. Still, plenty of positives to take to the next game. A new, minty, sexy season beckons.
Bullnose Morris Reserves (2) 3 - 0 (0) Union Street |
Mushrooooooom!
 Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! TETSWORTH! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! WINDY DAY! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! TYPICALLY CLOSE AFFAIR! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! CHRIS AND RICH IN GOAL! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! ANOTHER SLOW START! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! BATTLED MANFULLY! Badger! Badger! Badger! ONLY ONE DOWN AT HALF-TIME! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! MUSHROOOOOOOOM! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! CAME BACK STRONGLY! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! SEXY FOOTBALL! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! RIGHT SAID FRED! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! SNAKE! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! COULDN’T FIND THE BREAKTHROUGH! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! OOOOOOH SO UNLUCKY! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! THE GOALS WILL COME! Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger! ONWARDS!
Union Street 0 - 1 Tetsworth
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Just seventeen
A record-breaking turn out for the Street saw the Badgers score their first goal of the season, but couldn’t prevent a third frustrating defeat. After a soporific opening 40, the match sprang into life with one of those flukey cross/shots that you seem to get at this level, but then Sharp Lee pounced on Big Jace’s long-ranger for the equaliser. With subs on at half time, Street had to battle against Wheatos, the slope and the wind, but couldn’t prevent the narrowest of narrow defeats. Oh woe. But, as we English people say, no one died, plenty more games in the sea, there’s goals in the locker, 17 people is worth a goal in the bush (at least), competition for places, improving all the time, she was just seventeen you know what I mean etc etc… Oh, and thanks to Wheatos for thirst-quenching squash and general friendliness.
Wheatley 2 (1) - 1 (1) Union Street [Lee]
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Orangutan! Orangutan!
 Fairview were the foes
One late September day
Union were the victors
Right Said Fred held firm
O.G. grabbed a couple
Nice one Martin, Nice one Lee
Easy-peasy, Stuart’s-wheezy
The first half was the better
Orangutan! Orangutan!
The football was too sexy
Heroes everywhere
Everyone played a blinder
Unless your poor Fairview’s ‘keeper
Night out celebrating
Inside we’re beaming (and very drunk)
Onwards! Upwards!
Next week: who cares? We’ll thrash ‘em.
Union Street 4 (3) - 1 (1) Fairview [Martin, Lee, o.g. (2)]
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Street Spirit (Fade Out)
Least said soonest mended, they say, and after Street suffered their worst defeat for many moons, your humble author would be inclined to agree. Apart from the usual heroics from Danny (and a soft penalty award from a referee no doubt keen to redress the imbalance of the game), nothing went right for the plucky hoops. Two goals down after roughly 20 seconds, Street had a mountain to climb, and without the usual assortment of ropes, pulleys and ice picks. Still, if there’s one thing Street have in abundance (apart from good looks, charm and a hatred of people called Adrian and Macca), it’s fighting spirit, and for 20 minutes of the first half they competed with Bullnose admirably. The midfield got hold of the ball and miraculously managed to spray some passes, and pressure was exerted against what looked to be a suspect Morris defence. Left Said Fred went agonisingly close from a corner, and it seemed that a goal may be forthcoming. Alas and alack, it was not to be. Bullnose ended the half with a flourish (and some brutal ‘tackling’), complete with incomprehensible ramblings from their touchline supporters, and Street went in at half time with heads bowed. From the restart, Street and Bullnose exchanged penalties but, as the rain began to pelt down – soaking Street’s brave heroes and their many fans – the game slipped away into the autumn night. But what better advertisement for the now world-renowned Street Spirit than the sight of our great team laughing into their pints of Guinness down the Black Swan afterwards. As dour-faced Oxford whingers Radiohead would have it: ‘Immerse your soul in love (and cheap ale).’
Union Street (0) 1 - 6 (3) Bullnose Morris [Alex (pen)]
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No game this week!
I wonder what these fellows would do with their free Saturday? Go training down Cowley Marsh, that's what. Then they'd take their fine suits and interesting haircuts down the Black Swan for a bevvie. Ah, happy days!
Hmmmmm. I've got a sneaking suspicion that the fella on the right is Martin back in his playboy hey-day.
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Life is Street
 Oh what joy, what fun, what a lark – another victory for the Mighty Hoops! And, unlike James Burn in Germany, the first clean sheet of the season. Truly, this display had it all – new socks, a fighting first half, slick pass-and-move football, inspirational forward play and comedy goal celebrations – and all this with five key players missing. It’s true the boys in green like to play up at Roman Way, the wide, flat pitches suit their unique style of Total Football. And as they kicked off, the stand-in manager elected for positivity to combat Street’s reputation for slow starts. Piling men forward, Street, like Andy W on a night out, were perhaps guilty of being a bit too keen. Some promising attacks ended in nought, and brave North were soon on the attack themselves. But Street’s defence held firm and, with Lee sprinting around like a greyhound after a hare, goals were surely to come. And so it proved, as the offside ‘trap’ was sprung and shots rained down on North Oxford’s goal, resulting in the most delicate of chips (more a ‘frites’ than a chip, it could be said) from Big Jase.
1-0 at half time and, whilst North Oxford fumed, Street were happier than a sett of badgers with a limitless supply of sett-building apparatus. There followed early in the second half what can only be described as some of the best football Street have played. Ever. Lee terrorised like a terrier with a machete, Beaumont went close and, within a flash of a badger’s tail, Rich Sale doubled Street’s lead. And, as North wobbled, Street made it three with a goal straight from the top drawer/locker/newsagent’s shelf. Lee cut it back, the cross floated over, and there was Wardlaw steaming in at the far post to nod home. Happy days indeed! More sexy football followed, and Street were even able to see out the last fifteen minutes with only ten men – yet further evidence (as if it were needed!) of their growing confidence and solid mental and physical approach. A grand day out, then – more of the same next week lads. Oh, and a little hint – if you fancy some pizza, get down the Black Swan after the game. Mmmmmmm.
North Oxford Reserves (0) 0 – 3 (1) Union Street [Jason, RichS, John]
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Slip slidin' away...
 Oh dear oh dear. A day to forget for the ‘Mighty’ Street – losing as they did 0-3 to ten-man Golden Ball. It was a tear-jerking tale of missed first-half opportunities, biblical downpours and stout defence from Ball. Any complacent thoughts of an easy victory were clearly dispelled in a nervy opening quarter, when bright attacking play from the visitors threatened to unlock the Street backline. But gradually the Hoops got back into it, spreading the ball wide and creating several clear-cut opportunities. Alas and alack, the goal failed to come.
The second half started where the first one had left off, with Street on the front foot. But then, just as it seemed a matter of time before the beautiful greens got their perfectly-formed noses in front, from nowhere Golden Ball bagged themselves a flukey opener. The rest of the game was heart-breaking – Street swarmed forward like a giant, green-and-white swarm of bees, but to no avail. To their eternal credit, Golden Ball held firm, and Street were left scratching their square-jawed chins in wonder, ruing their first-half misses. And, as the clock ticked down on this dripping wet autumn game, the visitors scored two late goals to treble Street’s grief. Truly, Street had their perfectly-formed noses rubbed firmly into the squidgy Sandy Lane turf.
So how can the boys do better? Clearly, they need to build on their robust defence – on display here again with their ‘robust’ player-plumber getting in the way of everything – and settle on the ball. As their player-manager was overheard saying at half-time, they need to be calm going forward, play the ball square, get it wide, get their heads on, take their chances, dig in, be cool, hang loose, do a little dance and get down tonight, and the goals will surely come in spades. In the meantime, they can get the Guinness in, focus on their training and sing a song or two. As short-arsed songster Paul Simon would say, ‘We work our jobs, collect our pay, believe we’re gliding down the highway when in fact we’re slip slidin’ away…’ A cheery thought, wouldn’t you agree?
Union Street 0 (0) - (0) 3 Golden Ball
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A message for the boys this weekend
Alas, the man in the dugout cannot be with you this weekend. But he brings these messages of love, support and tenderness.
GO ON THE MIGHTY HOOPS!
THAT'S QUALITY, STREET!
BRING 'EM ON!
ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!
PASS AND MOVE!
TALK TO ME! SHAAAHT IT!
WALLOP!
'AVE IT!
SMACK! THUD! KAPOW!
BADGER BADGER BADGER!
And we also bring news of a message from George, the Hofmeister bear:
FOLLOW THE STREET! |  |
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Crispin Dry? Jam roly-poly?
 A jam roly-poly of a football match! Yet another Street game that had it all - sloppy defending, epic fightbacks, push-and-shove, extra time, fluky goals and on-going comedy provided by Messrs Birnie and Ginsberg. As Keith was heard to remark after the final whistle, ‘Someone’s got to stop that man playing his natural game.’
Yes indeed, this was a classic Street cup tie of the highest order. Not content with the score remaining 0 – 0, defensive ‘artistry’ from Street’s injury-ravaged backline permitted North Oxford to get proceedings under way. Indeed, Alan Hansen has earmarked the two goals for his Christmas video, ‘Goofs, Gaffes and Bloody Awful Defending.’
But since when did going 0 - 2 down by half time ever deter Street’s plucky heroes? Never, that’s when! (Except perhaps that time against Real Islip. Or that game against East Oxford. Or that one where we lost 10-0. Or...). But I digress! There was never going to be much in a game as tight as a badger’s butt-cheeks, and so it proved. The second half was a rollicking tale of steam-cooker-pressure from Street. Inspired by man-of-the-match Crispin Dry/Quentin Crispin/Ready Salted Crispin, Street salt’n’peppered the NOX goal with corners, shots, headers, deflections, bum-shots and a couple off their perfectly-shaped thighs for good measure. Chairman Birnie claimed the first, in-off his inside todger, and the marauding Chris Clarke poked the equaliser home from close range.
There followed such tense football as you’ve never seen in all your born days. And, like an early Christmas present for Granma, Street ought to have wrapped the whole thing up, but it wasn’t to be. As appeals for a ‘stonewaller’ died in Street’s throats, the game drifted in to extra time and then, almost inevitably, penalties. Now, those of us lucky enough to witness Ginsberg’s ‘perfect penalties’ earlier this year would have put their mortgage, car and a pint of Guinness down the Black Swan afterwards on ‘Indy’ converting the first of our five. Alas, it was not to be. Perhaps all confidence had drained from his legs after ol Birnie’s ribbing. Who can say? Not me, not you. Alas, Alex ‘Jason Gillespie’ Cobham and Craig ‘Just Smack It’ Bartlett also just missed out, and North Ox held their nerve in the gloom to send Street out in the cruellest of fashions.
All in all, at the end of the day and when all is said and done, it was a great day out at Roman Way. Football, as ever with the Mighty Hoops, was the winner. And with our boys buoyed by news of a cash injection from their erstwhile sponsors at the Black ‘Best Pub In The Universe’ Swan (and with players to return from injury and absence), the omens look rosier than a badger’s boobs for the green-and-whites. Though one feels Master Ginsberg’s heroic stint in the holding midfield role may be shortlived. Shame.
North Oxford 2 – 2 Union Street aet [Birnie, Clarke]
North Oxford won 3 – 0 on penalties
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WE LOVE THE BLACK SWAN
We do, it's The Best.
Here’s what the dailyinfo says about the Best Pub in Oxford:
'Missing the homeland,or just after an old-fashioned pint at old-fashioned prices (& perhaps a game of darts)? Then the Swan, Irish to the hilt & then some (especially when it comes to the jukebox, the decor - hurling & horseracing posters - & the extremely hospitable opening hours), is for you. Opposite the Crown House, east Oxford's Irish social club, the Swan is not for the faint-hearted - but once adopted by the publicans, you may even be favoured enough to receive mysteriously free sandwiches at the end of the night.'
And here's what the Oxford Student Union has to say about it. Don't you just hate students?
http://www.ousu.org/main/services/oxfordhandbook/pubs/blackswan
In honour of our sponsor, here's a rather fetching picture of a Black Swan. |  |
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A knickerbocker oh-so-nearly!
 There are days – bright, autumnal days like these – that can make an old man (in the dug out) burst with pride. And oh yes, this was such a day. The boys in green and white came mighty close to a truly historic upset at Sandy Lane on Saturday, and each minty hero held their head up high in the player’s lounge (or Black Swan as it’s sometimes known) after the game. Going into the match with a side decimated by injuries and against an unbeaten Beckley who, according to the more fearful among the Union Street lads, had scored an average of 47.2 goals per game, the omens were not good. But since when did Union Street pay attention to the form book? Or pay heed of reputation? Or do anything but puff their chests out, give their opponents a steely glare and put their all into every challenge? NEVER!
The first half came and went in the twinkling of a badger’s eye. This was knickerbocker-glory football, and Street were much more than spectators at someone else’s parade. Street started with a kind of 4-1-3-1-1 formation which turned swiftly into a 9-1, with Lee the solitary chaser of lost causes up front. But that’s not to say this contest was one-sided, oh no. Street fought for every ball, their centre halves marshalling the back line, and Beckley soon realised that goals would not come easily against such an impressive (and good-looking, it has to be said) defence. As the first half wore on, the B-Boys were reduced to speculative long-rangers, and the Hoops gained in confidence – they weren’t here to make up the numbers, that was for sure.
And lo! What was this? An angel in the East, in the form of our very own Guardian-journalist Alex ‘sustainable economic development’ Cobham. The effervescent Lee broke away, causing disarray in the visitors’ suspect defence, and crossed for Cobham to tuck the ball away. GET IN! Then moments later, as the Beckley supporters wiped their eyes in disbelief, Cobham had made it 2-0 with as exquisite a chip-lob-shot-thingamy as you’re ever likely to see at the Sandylanium. PANDEMONIUM! LET’S GO EFFIN’ MENTAL! LA LA LA! Or something.
Alas, such happiness wasn’t to last. Beckley stormed back at Street and, with a bit of good fortune allied to some hesitant defending, had made it 2-2 by half time. But, like a ferocious badger on a midnight rampage, Street had scared them witless. They knew they were in a game, and no mistake. The second half whizzed by like a badger in a souped-up Vauxhall Corsa. Street were resolute, and defended front to back (and sometimes back-to-front, it might be said). They hassled, jockeyed, badgered and bodgered. If anything they defended too deep and, if they had shown more adventure, who knows what might have happened? (Probably a comprehensive 2-10 drubbing, but I digress). In the end, it needed a last-gasp(ish) penalty from the Beckley massive to separate the two sides. Oh woe! Arse! Fiddlesticks!
But this was one of those Street classics – a heart-wrenching oh-so-nearly. As Beckley said after the game, it was the best game they’d had all season. Now all it takes is for Street to believe in themselves – and compete like this week-in, week-out, home and away, against the good and the bad – and they’ll be real contenders. Great effort, lads.
Union Street (2) 2 - 3 (2) Beckley
[Cobham 2] |
Snow fun...
Let’s not dwell on this one, boys. Suffice to say, a day to forget/obliterate in a haze of drink, drugs and easy women. Instead, let’s focus on the positives (I counted 10 in all, did you spot any more? Answers on a postcard…):
1. Danny’s athletic finger tip save from an equally athletic Wheatley overhead kick.
2. "The first snow of the year." Thank you, Mr Burn.
3. Another comedy own goal to add to Street’s collection. Thanks Wheatos.
4. Err, at least we weren’t playing rugby. Now that is a c*nt’s game.
5. Street Spirit in all its forms: Burner’s bandaging of Andy’s leg...
6. Ginsberg taking Mr Williams to the hozzy….
7. The huddle after the game. Thanks McHammer...
8. Keith’s brilliant (and frightening) singing in the shower afterwards...
9. Beaumont’s "farting corner" in the changing rooms...
10. Tutti Frutti, Reet Petite, Buddy Holly: an excellent 50s jive session, plus laughter, Guinness, pizza and post-match 'analysis', Black Swan style.
OK, so let’s make like a badger with a trampoline, and bounce straight back from this sett-back (ho ho). In the meantime, Cobham’s on the case for our Xmas do, on the night of Saturday 11 December. Make sure you're there, to witness all the classics of a Street night out: great food; song and laughter; funky jiving like you’ve never seen before; Craig a-top a postbox singing ‘Swindon til I die!’; sleeping in gardens; singing Oasis songs in Euro Bar; Andy W chatting up the lay-deez... All this and oh so much more. Be there.
Meanwhile, here’s a pic of speccy 50s songster Buddy Holly to cheer you up. What a man, eh?
Wheatley 6 (3) – (1) 1 Union Street [o.g.] |  |
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Kylie and Jason! Durex! Comedy Pants! Lovely!
 There are, I think, five key ingredients to the perfect Saturday afternoon. And here they were, in all their perfectly-formed, knickerbocker glory.
1. A nice drive to the country (even if some of us do get lost and turn up two minutes before kick off). The Old Man in the Dugout always likes to get away from the stifling Oxford Xmas atmos (and shopping with Mrs Dugout), and what better place to go than glorious, tranquil Tetsworth, with it’s village green, great facilities and friendly locals?
2. Talking of which, you can’t beat the Tetsworth hospitality. Friendlier than a loved-up badger on hallucinogenic love-drugs, the Tet players shrugged challenges off with a smile and played with true Street spirit. Now this is what Saturday football is all about.
3. Comedy pants. Where would Street have been on Saturday without Chairman Birnie’s lucky ‘David’ pants? NOWHERE, that’s where.
4. Talking and teamwork. The most satisfying thing about Saturday’s win was how hard Street’s heroes worked for each other, every player shouting, screaming, flailing their arms and taking up positions to receive passes from their team-mates. It was this more than anything wot won it for the Street.
5. The post-match huddle. We’re getting good at these.
But anyway, I guess I should give you some match analysis, Dugout-style. This was a well-deserved victory for the Minty Badgers, a win based on hard work, closing the opposition down and berating each other for comedy mistakes (stand up Messrs Bartlett and De Silva).
Like Kylie and Jason, Lee and Pete formed a beautiful partnership up front, hassling, chasing, nodding, poking and, err, getting caught offside. And, like a four-pronged Durex, the midfield quartet provided excellent protection for the back four, linking up with the front two whenever they could. Indeed, the first goal came when Crispin Dry – with those perfectly-formed, firm thighs of his – drove the ball home after excellent work from the irrepressible Steele. Further first half pressure from Street came to nought, but the omens were good.
And so it came to pass. The second half was a victory for what will now come to be known as the 3 Ts: Teamwork, Talking and Twonking the ball into the ditch when you’re not sure. The Hoops were excellent – solid at the back, fluid – much like Mr Dugout’s bowels – at the front. Steele broke away on numerous occasions, and finally had his reward in the 78th minute, smacking the ball home – THWACK – after an exquisite pass from Crispin. Smiles all round – defenders embraced, attackers high-fived and midfielders collapsed in a knackered heap.
Such is the strength of the Street that no man-of-the-match could be named for Saturday – everyone was a minty hero, with the two second-half subs adding much to Street’s attacking verve. Happy days for everyone, then. And Mr Dugout went home to Mrs Dugout, with a smile of satisfaction on his face (Mrs Dugout was also pleased – she’d bought some lovely boots from Revel).
Tetsworth (0) 0 - 2 (1) Union Street [Crispin, Lee] |
Pistol Pete guns down Islip. Almost.
 This week - because the man in the dugout has a hangover of SATANIC proportions - we’re giving you the chance to write your very own Union Street match report! Woo hoo! Just select words and phrases from the following list, mix them up and bung them together! It couldn’t be easier! So, without further-ado, here are this week’s words: Mighty Hoops, Lucky Pants, Sluggish start, Terrible defending, Set pieces, Nutcase, Booking, Poor Lee, Unlucky, Another booking for Beaumont, Minty Heroes, Several near-misses, Searching free kicks, Player-plumber, Badgers, Pistol Pete nods the equaliser, Fighting spirit, Gem does some ball-juggling, Battling performance, Epic comeback, Erratic refereeing, Tin Tin, Ginsberg topples, Legs in the air, Red card, Two soft goals, Stokesy flicks it, Unlucky Danny, Crispin and Alex link up in midfield, Chris Clarke down the left, Ainsley Harriot, Pete on fire, BOOM, TWONK, KAPOW, 3-1 turned to 3-3 in the blink of a badger’s eye, Solid at the back, Should have gone on to win it, Cobham hit the bar (down the Black Swan afterwards, ho ho), Another random booking, Two in a game, We'll get a reputation, Good save from Danny, Life is sweet, Onwards and upwards, Hat-trick hero, Great spirit, Never-say-die, This is the kind of game we would have lost 5-1 last season, Ever-improving, Lots of positives, 10 points before Xmas, Strongest Street squad ever, Well played boys, Pizza!
See, it’s easy, isn’t it? You don’t need me at all.
Union Street (1) 3 – 3 (1) Real Islip
[Pete 3] |
JINGLE BELLS!
Quite frankly, the man in the dugout can’t remember many details about Saturday’s game. There are, in the deep recesses of my addled brain, some vague recollections of an unlucky defeat at the hands of our friends at Bullnose Morris – sprinkled with fuzzy memories of a referee who looked strangely like Gary Neville, and the shameful abandonment of our Lucky Pants (upon which Mr Dugout squarely lays the blame for the loss) – but that’s about it. The rest, alas, has been lost forever – obliterated by an inhuman, nay staggering, amount of red wine, lager, sambuca, whisky, Guinness, gin and pizza.
For Saturday was the chosen day for the now legendary Street Xmas Party – a debauched orgy of food, booze, festive songs and embarrassing dance moves. As Mrs Dugout is still tending to my aching head, I thought it apt to go through a few of the highs and the many, many lows of this year’s bash:
- The impressive array of stylish suits on display. Surely such sartorial elegance makes Union Street the Dapper Dans of the RT Harris. Of particular note here was Mozley’s new tie. Well played, that man.
- Shrek/Vicky Pollard/The Seal’s bizarre hole-ridden get-up. Doesn’t Mrs Seal look after him properly?
- Mario’s BRILLIANT seating policy. Placing the Street’s masculine lotharios next to a fledgling netball team and a few student lovelies was a masterstroke.
- The reaction of Street’s heroes to such buxom beauties. It was as if they’d never seen GIRLS before, bless ‘em.
- Chairman Birnie’s festive sing-a-long. All together now – I got those J I N G L E bells…
- The all-new ‘everyone-does-a-speech’ policy. Such Street spirit warms the cockles (and a few other places besides) of an old man’s heart. Particular shout out to the new-boys – lovely chaps, every one!
- The Birnie-Bartlett shopping trolley/Cowley Road express.
- Yet more evidence of the Mighty Hoops’ awesome funkadelic dance moves. Truly, they took Love Bar with a full-frontal funk assault. But by jingo, it was hot in there, wasn’t it?
- The heroic last five standing, singing songs in the bar at the end. ‘This isn’t a rugby club,’ said the bouncer. And he was right. It wasn’t.
- Birnie and Bartlett’s 2am High Street pavement investigation/social experiment. Will pedestrians walk around some hastily-erected stripy barriers? The answer: Yes, unless they’re Australian.
- And, just before bedtime, a patch of pavement-wee that looked exactly like a horse/camel/sheep.
HAPPY DAYS! STREEEEEEET! COME ON YOU HOOPS!
Union Street (0) 0 - 3 (1) Bullnose Morris Reserves
And here are some pics to remind us all of happy times: |  |
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"Hark!" the Minty Badgers sing
 "Hark!" the Minty Badgers sing
"Glory to the Union Street!"
Peace on Earth and mercy mild
God and Wheatley Reconciled
Joyful, all ye ten-men rise,
Join the triumph of the pies;
With that-guy-who-ran-after-Gem proclaim,
"Street were bloody unlucky again."
"Hark!" the Minty Badgers sing,
"Glory to the Union Street!"
Keith, by highest Heav’n adored;
Keith the everlasting Lord;
Late in time, behold Him come,
Offspring of a goal-mouth scramble.
Veiled in flesh the exquisite chip;
Hail th’Crispin Deity,
Pleased with us in the Black Swan dwell,
Pizza our Emmanuel.
"Hark!" the Minty Badgers sing,
"Glory to the Union Street!"
Hail the heav’nly Prince of Goalkeeping!
Hail the Gem of Righteousness!
Light and life to all Street bring,
Rise with healing as we sing (in the showers).
Mild we lay our glory by,
Born that man no more may die/get booked.
Born to raise the sons of Sandy Lane,
Born to make sure we don’t go four nil down again.
"Hark!" the Minty Badgers sing,
"Glory to the Union Street!"
Come, Desire of the RT Harris, come,
Fix in us thy humble home;
Rise, the Mighty Hoops, rise.
And climb the table, climb.
Now display Thy saving power,
And get truly sozzled this Xmas time;
Now in mystic Union join
And make sure we beat Wheatley next time.
"Hark! the Minty Badgers sing,
"Glory to the Union Street!"
Union Street 2 – 4 Wheatley
[Birnie, Angood] |
Papa’s happy!
A very happy new year for the mighty hoops! They kicked off 2005 with a solid victory over a much-improved North Oxford Reserves. Another record turn out saw the return of the Welsh Wizard – Andy Davies – to the heard of Street’s midfield, backed up by the Buddha/Krishna central defensive pairing and the surprise inclusion of that idiot Beaumont up front – what was Tarmac thinking? Whatever – it all seemed to work in the end. Street elected to play into the wind in the first half – perhaps the manager had vastly over-estimated fitness levels after the winter break. Even so, the minty badgers still took the lead twice during an evenly-fought first half, initially through Andy Williams (via a wicked deflection) and then through Lee ‘speedy’ Steele (at what seemed like the fifth attempt). But North Oxford pegged them back both times, the second equaliser coming on the stroke of half time.
With the wind in the second half, Street opened up the Nox defence on numerous occasions – Beaumont, Steele and Clarke all going close and Williams even having an effort cleared off the line. Then came the goal of the game to settle matters – Adams to Beaumont, Beaumont to the far post, Hart storming in with the perfect header. Papa’s happy! But Nox refused to give in – one effort smacked against the bar to give Street a late fright. Despite this, Union could still have put the game beyond them – the Welsh Wizard saw his late pile-driver whistle – wheeeeeee – past the post. But then the Mighty Hoops were able to see the game out for their first victory of 2005. Credit must go to North Oxford for their spirit and sporting behaviour – truly, football was the winner today.
Union Street (2) 3 – 2 (2) North Oxford Reserves
[Williams, Steele, Hart] |
Donnington bog Street down on the marsh
For roughly 50 minutes on Saturday, the mighty men from Union Street matched runaway league-leaders Donnington stride-for-stride. The hoops were resolute and well-organised – reducing a frustrated Donnington attack to speculative long-rangers for most of the game. And, whilst the defence held firm, and the midfield battled, chances were created at the other end.
Dodgy
Pistol Pete was unlucky not to take advantage of a dodgy back-pass and Street, like a badger roaming free in the female badgers’ sett, enjoyed some exciting moments in the opposition’s penalty area.
Hanging
When half-time came, the minty badgers were doing much more than ‘hanging in there’. But then, with the second half barely 5 minutes’ old, Street were dealt the cruellest of blows. The penalty awarded to Donnington changed the match and from there on the hoops were chasing shadows.
Legs
Even then, as their legs grew tired and their minds grew weary, they had their chances. Tarmac was mighty unlucky to see his fine header well-saved by the Don’ keeper.
Cream
Eventually Donnington’s superior fitness – not to mention robust tackling – told. Two late goals flattered them, though, and Street can feel proud to have battled so willingly and for so long. Yet again, the hoops proved they could mix it with the cream of the RT Harris.
Result!
Special mention must also go to the result of the weekend – Wheatley 6 Tetsworth 7. One can only imagine what kind of game that might have been. My Oh My!
One final point – with the squad currently packed to bursting, now is surely the time to take advantage and organise some mid-week training. Eh? EH?
Donnington (0) 3 - 0 (0) Union Street |
Stalemate at Cherwell School
The boys from Islip and our minty heroes played out an entertaining draw in the unusual surroundings of Cherwell School on Saturday. The first half was pure Street - total football played as only the Mighty Hoops know how. Indeed, Union were unlucky (when were they anything but?) that their first half exertions came to nought. Matt and Gollu - sorry, James Burn - threw some moves on the left flank, Chris Clarke strutted his funky stuff on the right, and our midfield movers got down and groovy in the middle.
Muff
Crispin and Martin were our impressive front pairing in the triple absence of Lee, Alex and Pete, and were unfortunate not to put Street ahead. At the other end, Mozley and Beaumont kept Islip - a team that Street lost 0-5 to only last season, remember - as quiet as a muffled badger.
Usher
After half time, though, Street grew weary for the second week on the trot, and were unable to repeat the confident display of the first half. Still, it took a screamer of a goal from Real to break the deadlock, and usher in a frantic finale.
Wind
Caution was thrown well and truly to the wind for the last ten and Street - like a ferocious badger looking for its next badger-snack - refused to give up hope. Beaumont pushed up to put pressure on Islip's wobbling defence, and the change - albeit indirectly - paid dividends.
Poke
With just three minutes left on the clock, the Welsh Wizard fed the ball through to Clarke, who crossed intelligently to the far post where Crispin poked home. Get in! Street had claimed a deserved point - and a hard-fought one at that.
Real Islip 1 (0) - (0) 1 Union Street
[Crispin]
While we're at it, here's a bizarre pic of that nobber Usher. |  |
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The A Team says...
 | ...HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND STREET!
While we're at it, doesn't Hannibal look like Martin?
And Murdock is the spitting image of Matt Fry.
And Face looks a bit like Chris Clarke. Kind of.
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Strawberry fields forever
 Oh! Darling! It was a helter skelter of a game on Saturday – truly a magical mystery tour of all the emotions you associate with following the mighty hoops. At the beginning, the omens were not good. Street looked like they had been working eight days a week – some of them had clearly had a hard day’s night. One of their number was even heard to remark, ‘I’m sooooo tired’. To which another replied, ‘Don’t worry mate, I’m only sleeping.’
Whatever, it took Street a long, long, long time to get going. Within seconds of the whistle, Cricketers had nipped through the badger backline like Rocky Raccoon on steroids. One nil, and the hoops needed a little help from their friends. Help duly arrived, in the inspired form of Messrs Kavanagh, Clarke, Adams and co. Steele was put through by Adams – ‘Run for your life!’ they shouted from the touchline – and coolly slotted home. One each, and though Street had up until then been playing like the fool on the hill, they soon recovered their touch.
Something told me that this was going to be one of those games. The first half was topsy-turvy – a day in the life of the hoops. One minute they were attacking like Sexy Sadie, the next they were defending like Mean Mr Mustard. A goalbound effort from the Arms looked to have crossed the line, but because the RT Harris has yet to implement goal-line video technology, the ref could only say ‘Everybody’s got something to hide except me and my monkey.’ Which everyone agreed was a very strange thing to say.
The second half was more of the same. Adams was here, there and everywhere, and Kavanagh seemed to be saying ‘I am the walrus’, such was his massive presence between the sticks. And as the defence screamed ‘get back’ at each other, it was clear that the cricketers’ back four where busy fixing a hole at the other end. And then, a moment of savoy truffle genius: a sweet ball from Andy W that floated down like lucy in the sky with diamonds. Clarke sped on to it (“Turn around” shouted Gem, helpfully) and clipped the ball past the advancing keeper. Ah, happiness is a warm gun, don’t you find?
And then to the last few minutes: 2-1 and moments away from a famous victory against the form team of the RT Harris. And the Street defence had to carry that weight on their shoulders – ‘don’t let me down’, their illustrious chairman shouted from the touchline. But the Cricketers’ had parked a yellow submarine in the Street penalty area, and it proved too much. A late, late equaliser flew past a desperately unlucky Danny and Street despaired – cry, baby, cry.
So, Street had to settle for a draw – but what was this? The ref – high as a badger in an octopus’s garden – did all he could to give the game to the Cricketers’. Clearly, someone needs to show that man what a genuine ‘backpass’ looks like. “You can’t do that!” screamed the Street, but to no avail. “I can, and I will,” the ref seemed to say. Luckily, the ensuing chaos did not produce a goal, and the end was upon us.
A fair result, then, and Street were happy to let it be. Onwards, on this long and winding road called the RT Harris league division one. Yesterday was fun, but tomorrow never knows, eh?
Cricketers' Arms (1) 2 - 2 (1) Union Street
[Lee Steele, Chris Clarke] |
Tiny Dancer!
 “I’m still standing,” Street’s heroes declared, after an ugly – yet vital – victory against those Honky Cats from Fairview. Yet again, the Mighty Hoops started as if sorry seems to be the hardest word. “Don’t go breaking my heart,” said Chairman Birnie – RT Harris manager of the month – but Street seemed determined to do just that, their defensive flame flickering like a candle in the wind (or more like a Horspath gale).
Farview boogied, jived and generally did the crocodile rock in the Hoops’ penalty area, as the new Street backline (or Bennie and the Jets as they will henceforth be known) got acquainted with each other, the ferocious wind and the dodgy pitch. Street were fortunate as early as the 3rd minute – the referee missing what Fairview thought to be a clear hand ball by Andy ‘Blue Eyes’ Williams.
Yet, while Street seemed determined to sacrifice goals at one end, at least their forwards – Made in England – had the confidence to believe their chance would come. And so it proved – Lee ‘Rocket Man’ Steele burst the offside trap and put our heroes a goal to the good. Oh happy days! “Can you feel the love tonight?” they sang from the touchline, which was nice.
Yet Street looked vulnerable against Fairview’s positive - some might say over-exuberant - approach (indeed, one of their number thought that Saturday’s alright for fighting). Just as half-time approached, Street waved Goodbye Yellow Brick Road to their lead. Still, I guess that’s why they call it the blues, eh?
Yet in the second half Street pushed forward and it seemed to be written in the stars. Chris Clarke did a circle of life down the right flank and crossed for The One, Andy Davies, to nod home. Oh joy! Are you ready for love?
Yet credit to Fairview, they weren’t feeling Street’s love – they pushed on into the wind. From a corner, Street’s defence sang “Your song/ball” and the View were level again. Oh boys, sad songs say so much, don’t they?
Street still had time to be grateful for more heroics from Daniel Kavanagh. “Someone saved my life tonight”, the back four would’ve sang to him after the game, if only they’d known the words.
Yet Street were determined not to let this game slip away, each one of them looking to the West and thinking: “Don’t let the sun go down on me”. And here was our heroes’ moment: sub Cobham arriving in the penalty area like a tiny dancer, and bashing home the sweetest of volleys. Oh great days!
Fairview (1) 2 – 3 (1) Union Street
[Steele, Davies, Cobham] |
Biff! Bang! Kapow! Wallop!
Oh joy! As wonderful an afternoon as you’ll ever experience watching the Mighty Hoops. Great football sent down by little badger angels from up on high. Great team spirit as only the Street know how. And goals galore, including a first for our favourite weatherman.
Here are those goals in full:
Biff! Lee Steele gets Street infront with a trademark finish, after a beautiful flowing move involving at least 8 Street players.
Bang! Pete doubles the lead with a looping header, following a testing high-ball from the every-shouty Andy W.
Kapow! Man-of-the-match Tarmac nods home an inch perfect free kick from the Welsh Wizard.
WALLOP! Oh yes! James Burn - for it is he - finishes off a sumptuous move and some hard work from Steel with a ferocious two-yard tap-in.
HAPPY DAYS!
Mention must also go to:
- A very sporting showing from those North Oxfordians.
- Street’s first clean sheet in ages. Well played that defence.
- A four-game unbeaten run. Are we the form team of the RT Harris?
- An eye-watering nude rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone after the game.
Union Street (2) 4 - 0 (0) North Oxford
[Steele, Hart, Adams, Burn]
Team: [4 4 2]
Kavanagh, Beaumont (Birnie 79), Williams, Bartlett, Mozley, Davies, Adams, Fry (Burn 58), Clarke, Steele, Hart.
While we’re here, we have an exclusive Communigate photo montage. This one is called ‘My First Goal’, by James Burn. |  |
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MEDIBOT
 Hmmmm, there’s not too much you can say on days like these. A resounding defeat for the Hoops, but as ever the match was not without its positives. The man in the dugout asked Yr Chairman to sum up: ‘Busted hands, ribs, noses. MEDIBOT. Undaunted. Wrapped in the flag. Captain pulled himself off. Martin rolls back the years like Shearer’s dad. No easy games at this level. Still in it at 3-2. MEDIBOT.’
Well, what can you add to that? Credit to Beckley - their swift forward play, allied to some comical first-half defending from the Badgers, was the making of this particular game. Onwards though! A semi final and a DAM application awaits. As Churchill might once have said: ‘In victory: magnanimity. In defeat: defiance. MEDIBOT.’
[5, 3, 2 / 4, 4, 2]
Kavanagh, Clarke (de Silva), Beaumont, Mozley, Birnie, Angood (Hart), Davies, Adams (Burn), Cobham, Scarfe, Steele.
Beckley (3) 7 - 3 (1) Union Street
[Scarfe 2, Cobham]
And I’ll leave you with a poem for some Tetsworth-inspiration.
Sometimes
Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail.
Sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.
A people sometimes will step back from war,
elect an honest man, decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.
Sometimes our best intentions do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen; may it happen for you.
Sheenagh Pugh. |
Delia Smith on acid
 Doug Hobbs Cup, semi final!
The Big Day dawns
Down at Horspath
Total quagmire
Proper linesmen and everything
COOOOOOOOME ON!
Close shaves in the first half
Street kept battling
Loyal supporters
Chairman = Delia Smith on acid
AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGH!
Robust tackling
Great goalkeeping from De Silva
TALK TO EACH OTHER!
Better in the second half
Steele was everywhere
Cobham was tricky
COOOOOOME ON!
Chances to win it
GET ON WITH IT ALEX!
STOP BEING SO URBANE!
Slipping and sliding in the mud
Stronger in extra time
Salt from Ginsberg?
COOOOME ON!
Lots of shouting
About nothing in particular
DEFEND!
HATE SOMETHING!
Everyone wanted it
Like a juggernaut there was no way parst
COOOOOME ON!
AAAAAARRRRGH!
Mud up my bum
Penalties it is
Went on FOREVER
Every badger a minty hero
Gem we salute you
Nerves jangling
Team huddling
Up steps Beaumont
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
COOOOOOME ON!
AAAAAARRRRGH!
YEEEEEEEEEEES!
BUUUUUUNDLES!
ON YOUR KNEES!
Happy days
And well played Tetsworth
Football was the winner, kind of
Bring on the final
New suits please
Bring the wives
BRING IT ON!
COOOOOOOOOME ON!!!!!!!
Union Street 0 – 0 Tetsworth (aet)
Union Street won 7 – 6 on penalties
[4, 4, 2]
De Silva, Beaumont, Williams, Bartlett, Mozley, Clarke, Angood, Davies (Burn), Cobham, Scarfe (Fry), Steele (Harrington) |
Cobham’s Goal-den Balls!
 Our goateed court jester Timothy Claypole (pictured) bagged a pair of stunners (not pictured) as Union Street won convincingly (in parts) away to Goldenball. As ever, the wide, flat Roman Way pitch played to the Mighty Hoops’ strengths – no, nothing to do with Guinness, funky dancing or eating pizza - we’re talking TOTAL FOOTBALL, getting it on the deck, using the width and generally having a right old time of it.
Playing into the wind in the first half – and without their talismanic goalkeeper Kavanagh – Street enjoyed the majority of possession, yet still had to endure a succession of corners from a spirited ‘Ball. Even so, Kavanagh’s heroic stand-in – Vicki Pollard – was untroubled, as Street pressed forward like a pack of badgers looking for night-time treats.
Goatee
And those badgers got their reward when Cobham – the goateed wonder – volleyed acrobatically passed a dumbfounded Golden’ keeper. Yet what was this? No sooner had Street gone in front then they decided to stop talking, look at the floor sheepishly and play silly buggers at the back. Oh dear oh dear. Still, they got themselves to halftime unscathed, and reflected on half-a-job well done.
Rarely can the Mighty Hoops have started a second half so well. Indeed, it is usually the Street way to battle manfully until half time, and then throw the game away five minutes after the restart. Whatever, today was a day to break with tradition. The diminutive Guardian-dude Cobham gave us all another show-boating masterclass with an overhead kick that knocked the stuffing out of Ball.
Reshuffle
And, as Hart got a trade mark header to further Street’s lead, everything looked rosy for our hooped heroes. But this is Union ‘Our Own Worst Enemy’ Street, remember. Pete achieved some kind of record for being subbed immediately after scoring, and after a slight defensive reshuffle, all went awry. Goldenball proved they are no mugs and came forward with renewed vigour – and were rewarded with a deflected effort about fifteen minutes from time.
Still, the Hoops regrouped, regained their defensive solidity and were able to see out the rest of the game. Three more points to the Mighty Badgers, then. This really is turning out to be a wonderful season in the history of our RT Harris supermen.
Goldenball (0) 1 - 3 (1) Union Street
[Cobham 2, Hart]
[4, 4, 2]
Sale, Beaumont, Williams, Mozley, Bartlett, Angood, Davies, Adams, Hart (Ginsberg), Cobham, Steele (Harrington) |
Street hit for four by Cricketers
 Ah cricket… wonderful game, what? The smack of leather on willow, the battle of wits betwixt bowler and batsman, the summer sun blazing down… Oh, if only we’d been playing cricket on Saturday, eh? There would’ve been none of that chasing-shadows and getting-out-of-breath business. No, we could have spent the whole day looking at the sky, drinking ale, wondering whether we should have someone in at short-fine leg and occasionally shouting ‘Owzat?’ when the mood took us. Also, if we’d been playing cricket, we’d still have four days left to recover from being 4-0 down. Oh, and Crispin's head might be a bit less sore this morning, too. Hey ho - a lesson learned there, surely. As the brilliantly-bearded W G Grace - a Street hero if ever there was one - might once have said, ‘IN THE BACK REF!’
Union Street (0) 0 - 4 (2) Cricketers' Arms
[4, 4, 2]
Sale, Beaumont, Fry, Mozley, Bartlett, Angood, Adams, Steele (Scarfe), Clarke (Harrington), Cobham, Hart |
A fair affair
 | The hooped wonderboys from Union Street had to have all their badger-like battling qualities on display on Saturday, as they came back twice to draw with a much-improved North Oxford side. In many ways, it was like travelling back in time - without a time machine. The mighty hoops and the blue-shirted North boys rolled back the years to a time when football was an altogether more innocent affair - played with a smile, and free of whinging. The crowd - and Street's many, many subs (well-played, those lads) - could only gaze in wonder at the chivalry on display, and the excellent football from both teams.
The goals were simple enough - North opened the scoring with an egg-like scramble, the ball zipping past the unsighted Kavanagh. Street equalised soon after half-time, with a corner routine straight from the training pitch. Kind of. Those North boys didn't lie down, and took the lead again from a (fortunate) free kick. But the hoops, their badger-snouts pointed skywards, scented that there was something in the game for them - and got their due from the goal of the game.
Some entertaining refereeing saw Street nearly gifted the most unlikely of penalties, and both teams had their chances to settle matters as the glowing embers of the game died away. The draw was the fair result - and a hearty good luck to those North Oxfordians, without doubt the most sporting and friendly side Street have faced in the RT Harris.
And now Street must FOCUS. A HUGE game against Bullnose Morris on Wednesday, followed by another difficult game against high-flying Donnington on Wednesday-week. And then - and only then - can we turn our thoughts to cup finals and German football tournaments.
But enough of that - warrabout James 'mysterious wet patch' Burn and his antics after Bartlett's birthday celebrations on Saturday night, eh? Rumour has it he was just getting some practice in for DAM 05 - Return of the Wee.
North Oxford (1) 2 - 2 (0) Union Street
[Cobham, Angood]
Team (4, 4, 2)
Kavanagh, Fry [sub: 'Puddle'], Beaumont, Williams, Mozley, Angood, Adams, Davies, Clarke, Cobham [sub: Hart], Steele [sub: Sale].
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MING MONG
Street battled manfully, in parts, against the team of the division last night (much like a little badger fighting seven giant badgers with better stripes and bigger noses). Seven goals may have been a bit harsh on our hooped super-dudes, and certainly on their heroic super-keeper, who deserved better than a defence that momentarily forgot how to head the ball. Who can say where it went wrong – the multi-coloured balls, the evening kick-off, the sauna-like changing rooms – or maybe our green-and-white mong-bags were just thinking too much of cup finals, and holidays to Germany. There were spells when Street remembered themselves and got back to their groovy-football-roots, and regained the confidence that has propelled them up the RT Harris in 2005. Alas and alack, those Bullnose boys knew how to play a bit, and ran merry rings around our confused ming-mongs (much like a car running over a badger, and then reversing over it for good measure). Still, you know what they say – no use crying over getting thrashed 7 – 0, eh?
See you for training, Saturday 2.30 pm on Cowley Marsh. BE THERE!
STREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
Bullnose Morris (2) 7 – 0 (0) Union Street
(4, 4, 2)
Kavanagh, Beaumont, Burn (Clarke), Mozley, Bartlett, Williams, Davies, Sale, Ginsberg (de Silva), Steele (Cobham), Hart
What would our Tony say, eh?
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Manic badgers on amphetamine
Another midweek game, another feel-good, seven-goal drubbing for the Street. Hey ho. What can you do, eh? You turn up, you pay your money, you go out with high hopes – and then your defence conspires to give the opposition three goals in roughly 43 seconds. If we can forget the first half for a moment – memorable only for some technicolour moments of defensive hilarity, and surely one of the more calamitous in recent memory – there were many positives for our Hooped Wonderkids, as they look forward to their Big Cup showdown with Fairview.
After half time, the dudes in green gathered themselves, remembered their ferocious-badger heritage and got down and groovy. Steele was magnificent leading the line with Cobham – like a manic badger on amphetamine he chased every lost cause, and lunged into every challenge. The back four said their hellos and suddenly remembered that they were playing together, rather than in their own little dream worlds. And the effect – shots rained down, like green and white hailstones, on the Donnington goal. With a bit of luck, Steele could have had a hat trick, and in another universe Cobham might have scored with his ‘optimistic’ 25-yard header.
Our mint-bags restored a lot of pride with their battling second half display, one that brought to a close their most successful RT Harris season ever. I’m sure our esteemed secretary can fill you in on points and positions, but I’d just like to congratulate our SUPER BOYS on a great 2004/5. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster, a mental helter-skelter, a physical spinning top – but our minty heroes have come good. Well played, you wonderful people.
STREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
Union Street (0) 1 – 8 (5) Donnington
[Steele]
[4, 4, 2]
Kavanagh, Beaumont, Williams, Mozley, Bartlett, Burn [Angood], Davies, Scarfe [Birnie], Sale [Harrington], Cobham, Steele
In memory of our great season, how about a new club coat-of-arms?
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Goodbye cruel world...
 Oh woe is me – the man in the dug out came close to a clumsy, Guinness-fuelled end on Saturday night, such was his torment after Union Street met with an agonising defeat in the Doug Hobbs Memorial Cup Final. As a 5 year-old child might have put it, ‘It isn’t fair!’.
So it is with heavy heart that I bring you this last, terrible match report of the season. And it is with reluctant pen that I tell you that Street – our wonderful, heroic balls of badgerdom – lost 3 goals to 2 at the hands of Fairview. As Justin Timberlake might have sang at 8.30 pm that same evening, ‘Cry me a river, boys’.
And it all started so well – our chairman’s goose-bump of a teamtalk (where he likened Street to Paul Newman, I think); those wonderful suits (Ginsberg’s blue canvas effort worthy of particular mention); the pre-match pitch inspection; the wonderful crowd (thank you mates, mums, dads, girlfriends, kids); the proper dug outs – it all boded (if that’s a word) so well for a super game.
And those mint-bags certainly started like they meant it – cruising into an early two-goal lead, courtesy of some wet-dreamy corners from our Welsh wizard (not to mention two sexy finishes from Messrs Williams and Hart). But then – you know what’s coming now – Street got complacent. The rest of the first half fizzled out – Street were unable to kill the game off, but Fairview were equally unable to break them down. We all knew one thing, though – this game certainly wasn’t over yet.
Half-time came and went in an orangey flash – and Street were immediately on the front foot. Alas – and woe, woe and thrice woe – a disallowed goal was the only fruit of their labours. Even then, with fifteen minutes to play Street looked in control. Famous last words, eh boys?
Fairview played another one of their hopeful balls over the top and it paid dividends. Within a jiffy they were level – and Street were disconsolate, stunned, dumbfounded, bowled over, dismayed. How could this be happening?
Yet even then, our dudes in green and white had golden chances to snatch the game at the death, and send their crowd into raptures. Oh the agony – it just wasn’t their day. In a desperate attempt to win it for our hooped wonder-champions, star man Andy Williams sprained his something-or-other, and Street faced extra time without their angry-faced shouty-leader.
By now the tension was overflowing – the crowd was tense, our stripey marvels were tense, the manager was twitchy… And then the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the inconceivable – only minutes into extra time Fairview plucked an unlikely winner out of the bag. Despite their best efforts, the Union boys just couldn’t find the goal they so deserved. And so it came to pass – Street’s season came to a heartbreaking end, one cruel April evening down Roman Way.
But, as our beloved Chairman said, now isn’t the time to feel down-in-the-mouth. Think of Cool Hand Luke. Think of Andy Williams’ comedy Mr Angry moment. Think of our chairman being told to get back in the dugout. Think of how good-looking we are. Think about our superior singing ability. Think about how far we have come. As one of our founding fathers said on Saturday night – just five short years ago we were hoping we could keep the score down to five-nil. Think of the brilliant team we have. Think of our wonderful sponsors – The Black Swan – pub of legends, venue of heroes, theatre of beauty and sexy hand-jiving. Think of Matt’s broken chair.
As Old Grandfather Dug Out might once have said, ‘Life isn’t fair sometimes, son’.
Union Street 2 – 3 Fairview [aet]
[Williams, Hart]
[4, 4, 2]
Kavanagh, Beaumont, Williams [Fry], Mozley, Bartlett, Angood [de Silva], Davies, Adams, Clarke, Steele [Sale], Hart.
PS. Look out for another Communigate exclusive - the man in the dugout's end-of-season review, coming soon!
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