Man in the Dugout reports 2000-01
New kit launched
Fixtures 2000 - 01
Your prayers please
Your Prayers Answered
Club Badge
Awards - Yes, we did win one!
2001 - 2002 - A Street Odyssey Continues
Fixtures 2001-02
Could this Be The Year? Reports 2002-03
2002-03 Fixtures and Results
Support Our Sponsors
2003-04: European Union
2003-04: Results, Fixtures
Roma Therapy
The Greatest Football Tournament in the World
2004-2005: Attack of the Minty Badgers
Street's New Training Regime
Meet the team!
Union Street's festive picture gallery!
The Union Street Awards 2004/05!
der Mann in heraus gegraben DAM diary 2005
2005-06: When badgers learn to fly
Street Talk
Knee-Jerk Reaction: Ben's Countdown to Germany 2006
Bolz WM Gonzo Diary
Pre-Seasonal Tension
2006-07: MInty Badgers Save the World
Plumbing new depths
Direkt Von Dem Dugout - Koln 2007
Union Street Awards: Season 2006 - 2007
2007-08: For a Few Seasons More
Wham, Bam, Thank You DAM
To Infinity, And Beyond
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Episode 1: The Fairview Wormhole
 | Strange activity deep beneath the earth’s surface on the Franco-Swiss border. Scientists gazing at protons like so many fixated lottery addicts watching those little rubber numbered spheres gaily dance their crazy mid-week-and-Saturday-night dance of chance inside ‘tonight’s machine chosen at random ‘Guinevere’’ across Britain’s tv screens. “See the protons, how they dance!”
The results so far have been equally, almost infinitely unpredictable. How could anyone have forecast one of the earliest consequences of their “Universe Millions Scratchcard” meddling?
Twelve footballers are lost in the swirling maze of past and future ages after the first experiments on Europe’s greatest and most secret project – The Time Tunnel. Union Street now tumble helplessly toward a new fantastic adventure somewhere along the infinite corridors of time.
Thrown back into a parallel universe from 2006, how would they cope with a warm, sunny afternoon in mid-September; a scratch team facing old rivals; some of the same old faces; but many unfamiliar ones; still others subtly yet undeniably altered?
Here’s how 5 of them managed:
Exhibit A – Self-appointed Captain-for-a-Day General James T Burn, a reliable old stager, marshalling the ranks and identifying clouds for all he was worth. His reward for leading the team to avoiding defeat in their first game for the first time in Street history: a wet arse.
Exhibit B – Tidy young Lee Clayson lookalike but thinner and faster and more skilful Corporal Shane, thrown into the vortex and emerging from the frantic first half with two goals to his name and the first sentence already written in his chapter in the as-yet-unpublished Street biography of legends.
Exhibit C – Glamorous Dr Mozley, the brains behind the operation, won everything in the air and countered his younger male opponents and team mates with a defensive display so entirely methodical and logical, they would never hope to penetrate.
Exhibit D – Smartly-dressed goalkeeper Danny ‘100%’ Kavanagh pulled off his usual string of incredible saves to deny the Fairview (“Sounds like a nursing home” as someone on the sidelines pointed out) victory
Exhibit E – Gnarly Old Pensioner Scarfe, labouring under the misapprehension that people with replacement knees can compete with people less than 1/3 of his age, somehow further defied the laws of physics to stroll through a whole half in midfield before retiring to the much tougher world of line-flaggery.
Singling out those 5 strong and true does an injustice to the commitment and contribution of the entire ‘team’ as they raced into a half-time 3-2 lead, finally drawing 3-3 in a ding-dong battle.
Much to be optimistic about, but where will the wormhole lead our heroes in future weeks?
Fairview 3 (2) (3) 3 Union Street
(Clayson 2, Pratchett)
Kavanagh, Arnie-ator, Mozley, Munsonator, Burn (J), Eddiestone Lighthouse, Scarfe (Waynesonator), Angood (Wayne-mator), Alexander II, Two-Jags, Shanesonator |
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You can’t get better than a Kwik Fit Fitter
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I’ve been away getting my exhaust fixed on the old Maxi. They’re a lot cheaper if you go to Kazakhstan for parts. The added advantage is that the exhaust fitters there will teach you how to yogic fly. The key is the springiness of the rubber and the attention to a strict regime involving levers and grease. They taught me wisdom too. What I learned while I was away was:
You can’t get shitter than a Nuffield Arms Thrasher
Street 2 (2) (2) 7 Nuffield Arms
(Prescott 2)
Kavanagh, Burn M, Mozley, Neil, Burn J, McCulloch (Mackintosh), Badger, Minott (Birnie), de Silva (Kirk), Prescott, Shane
(sub not used Munson)
You can’t get sweeter than a Tory-bashing striker
North Oxford Fascists 2 (0) (0) 4 Union Street
(Prescott (2), Shane, McCulloch)
Kavanagh, Burn J, Mozley, Minott, de Silva, Lawton (Munson), Pratchett, Davies, McCulloch, Prescott (Mackintosh), Shane
(sub not used Birnie)
You can’t get equaller than a North Oxford drawer
Union Street 1 (0) (1) 1 North Oxford Reserves
(Shane)
Kavanagh, Burn J, Minott, Hendy-Isaac, de Silva (Burn M), Mackintosh, Ginsburg (Holloway), Davies, McCulloch, Shane, Neil
(sub not used Birnie)
You can’t get crowdier than a B-B Leys Boys friendlier
Blackbird Boys 4 (4) (1) 2 Union Street
(Mozley, Angood)
Kavanagh, Munday, Mozley, Minott, de Silva, Lawton, Davies, Angood, McCulloch, Kirk (Birnie), Shane
You can’t get fatter than a chub-chub reffer
Union Street 1 (0) (0) 0 Rose Hill
(Kirk)
Kavanagh, Burn J, Minott, Hendy-Isaac, Lawton (Munson), Mackintosh (Kirk), Angood, Ginsburg, McCulloch, Shane, Neil
(sub not used Birnie)
Phew. That was exhausting.
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