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SEASON 2003-04
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DARTMOUTH 5s CHAMPION-ES AGAIN
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July 27 2003
In a stunning move forward, Galmpton United Ladies took TWO teams to the Dartmouth 5s at Longcross.
Rejecting the names 'Village Elders' & 'Village Idiots' the teams went under the names 'Nice & Wheezy' and 'Wheezy Does It', with the defending champions competing as Nice & Wheezy.
N&W comprised Lee, Geno, Sharon, Claire, Nik & Lucy and in the six-team tournament notched up four wins and a draw, against Dartmouth Community College. WDI boasted Caroline, Kelly, Eve, Hayley and Gloria and ended up mid-table, following two wins, two losses and one draw.
The final was between Nice & Wheezy and Dartmouth Community College. The College underestimated N&W's determination level and the final went to N&W relatively easily. The outfield team dealt with everything the College had to offer, meaning Lee couldn't cock anything up in goal, since nothing got past them! Goals from Nikki and Claire did the biz.
The picture at the top shows mascot Adam trying to blag Guv'nor Baz's trophy. Also there (L to R) are Claire, Geno, Lucy, Lee, John from Dartmouth AFC, Sharon & Nikki.
HOW NOT TO START THE SEASON
Sunday 1 September
Despite the manager's best efforts, even going as far as signing a player on at 6pm yesterday, there was only seven of us come Sunday morning and League rules say we need eight to play.
So our trip to Staddiscombe was off and our points total already stands at -3! |
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D-OH!
Sunday 15 September 2002
Well, we had nine.
The pitch was massive, the day was hot.
Cath drove us in the minibus and I'm sorry, it was me, saying, "Are we there yet?" when we'd just pulled out of The Willows.
The opportunities up front were few & far between, as we just tried to keep on level terms. And it took them twenty minutes before they scored. But by half time it was 5-0.
Nikki Brister pulled one back for us but with two extra players Ilfracombe never looked like losing. The most annoying part was when we kicked the ball out for a throw-in so that one of their players could get treatment, with the score at 6-1. With the Galmpton players expecting the decent thing to be done & the ball thrown back to the keeper, their midfielder-on-helium threw the ball to a team-mate, who had an easy volley from the edge of the penalty area. Galmpton were astounded at the lack of sporting attitude from the player, who didn't even think she'd done anything wrong! Ah, well, it's a long season, as they say. I expect we'll surprise them in the return match. (Did you say 4, Kel?)
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HMM, A DRAW, THAT'S NOT BAD
22 September 2002
Torbay Ladies dropped their first points when they came to Galmpton.
The teams were evenly matched, which frustrated the Torbay side no end. In their first two matches their team had scored 22 goals and making no headway against Galmpton's defence was something new to them. Indeed it was Galmpton who scored first when Tiff Field got a foot in to push the ball over the line, making it 1-0 at half time.
The teams continued to battle it out, with Torbay scoring an equaliser with twenty minutes to go. The draw gave Galmpton their first point of the season.
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1-1 AGAIN
29 September 2002
Galmpton's second home game in two weeks saw them take on Plymouth Oak Villa Res.
Playing once again in summer conditions, Galmpton again pegged back a free-scoring opposition forward line. The Plymouth team had scored fourteen in their first three games but, as in the previous Sunday, the away team were restricted to one goal.
Nikki Brister had already put Galmpton ahead before the Oak Villa Reserves gained a share of the points.
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GALMPTON LADIES BEAT THE LEADERS
Sunday 17 November 2002
Galmpton United pulled off a fine victory at Wall Park, Brixham, over table leaders Torbay Ladies Res. Torbay, unbeaten this season, could not find a way past the Galmpton defence and looked increasingly fragile across their own back line.
The teams turned around with no score, but Galmpton kept the pressure up throughout the game and, even when Torbay did push forward past Galmpton's back four, they met goalkeeper Ness Teague in unbeatable form.
With twelve minutes remaining, Torbay failed to deal with a Jo Fawke corner and Nikki Brister pushed the ball over the line. In the remaining time Torbay were unable to get back on level terms, and nearly lost another goal to Galmpton when another corner form Fawke was not cleared crisply.
And as operator of this site may I speak on behalf of all my team when I say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
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AND AGAIN WE WIN
24 November 2002
Galmpton made it two wins in a row with a 4-1 victory over Staddiscombe Colts at Greenway Lane.
The first half was evenly balanced and the teams turned around at 0-0. Within minutes of the re-start Galmpton took the lead when Trine Dunn chased onto a through ball by Nikki Brister, took the ball to the goal-line then cut in towards goal. Her shot bounced off the Staddiscombe keeper, and a defender cannoned the ball into the net.
Galmpton's second came when Dunn played a one-two with Rachel Malloch, whose 8-yard shot beat the keeper.
Trine Dunn then made it three, running on to a pass from Claire Reed and blasting the ball into the top of the net.
Galmpton then allowed Staddiscombe a ray of hope when they allowed them to score after failing to effectively clear an attack. Almost straight from the kick-off Galmpton regained the three-goal cushion when a foul on Trine Dunn gave Galmpton a free kick 30 yards out. Nikki Brister stepped up to take the kick and took a low shot which the keeper failed to pick out, and the ball ended up in the net.
As a team we would like to thank Graham very much for FINALLY coming up with the promised champagne; because we won we shared it out in the bar afterwards and, mate, it went down a treat.
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THE DAY THE WHEELS CAME OFF
Sunday 1 December 2002
After remaining unbeaten in the League since the Ilfracombe reverse in September, the Galmpton bandwagon suffered a setback at Exeter University.
With no Ness Teague in goal & full back Jo Fawke still recovering from injury, Galmpton fielded midfielder Claire Reed between the sticks against a Uni side boasting a 100% record so far this season.
Refereed by surprised spectator (and League Officer + Screwfix Direct League official) Andrew Rodda in coat and wellies (get yerself a kit, boy), Galmpton didn't compete with the Uni and found themselves 7-0 down at half time. In the second half Galmpton changed keepers but Lee Hayward didn't do much better, letting in another five goals, including one from Galmpton's very own Lucy Wood.
Martina "You'll believe a girl can fly" Skuckova nearly didn't finish the game when lifted off her feet by a heavy Uni pass which blasted straight into her face. The sight of manager Barry Hayward approaching with the first aid bucket & its four litre ice cube did wonders for her ability to continue and just as well too - she played well enough to be declared winner of the Gromit award as player of the match.
Did we play badly? Yes. Did they play well? Yes. Was it Cubby & Claire's fault for leaving mascot & good luck charm Adam in Torquay? Probably. Will some more of you register votes in the readers' poll? And do we all wish Kelly Merry Christmas in Australia? Damn right.
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GALMPTON AND PLYMOUTH UNI IN TIGHT DEFENSIVE GAME
Sunday 8 December 2002
Who ever said it was "easy like Sunday morning"? That Lionel Richie is an idiot.
From having four subs last weekend, Galmpton's numbers slumped horribly as the morning wore on. One of last week's players has fled to the other side of the world, with yet another finding it necessary to flee to WALES for the weekend. Two of our younger players had school work worries and two of our teachers were ill. The nine remaining players took to the field against a Uni side boasting a full complement of three substitutes on a typically lovely Torbay Sunday afternoon.
With the drizzle coming in horizontally both teams struggled to make any headway. Galmpton's nine employed a passing game, at first to use up the time so that Uni couldn't get too much possession of the ball. After a while it became clear that this tactic was also using up Uni energy and Galmpton had several chances of getting past their defence and within striking distance of the Uni goal. Plymouth struck the bar with a shot late in the half.
In the second half the stalemate continued, with Galmpton's defence soaking up most of the pressure, although the soaking, cold Ness Teague in goal was ably on hand when the defence let the Uni attack through. By now it was so cold that the referee put on his tracksuit top (predominantly black so that was alright then) and so dark that the security light of the house next to the pitch kept coming on when Galmpton were on the attack. Towards the end of the game Nikki Brister and Rachel Malloch both had shots on goal which were unlucky not to connect.
Uni used all three of their subs but the eighteen legs representing Galmpton held out and saw the final score at 0-0.
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DON'T KNOW WHY THERE'S NO SUN UP IN THE SKY
P*S*Y WEATHER!!
15 December 2002
Galmpton's home game against Rolle Rockets was called off because of an unfit pitch.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
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OO-ER, THAT WAS NICE
5 January 2003
Macca's out long-term injured. Claire took our mascot away to Cyprus. Kelly was back on the correct continent, but probably still working to Perth time. Jo's just on her way back from injury and Nikki had the flu.
Good job Toni & Perse were available, then.
Toni got us off to a good start with a first-minute goal, & turned the score into 2-0 ten minutes later. Cath, who'd claimed an assist with both goals, promptly came off with a leg injury & Nikki and her woolly hat came on.
The second half just got better and better, with Karen scoring in the first minute of it. Obviously she'd listened to the guv'nor who chased us out of the warmth of the dug out with the words, "Remember, the next goal's important. Don't let them score it."
Nikki put two goals away, Rachel & Trine one each and Toni completed her hat-trick to make it Galmpton 8-0 Ilfracombe. This actually doubled out goals for total & more than made up for the 7-1 scoreline up at Ilfracombe when we only had nine players. 8-0 against eleven of them.
Kel was sorry to have missed No.4.
Rachel took Gromit home for the week & Sharon picked up the attractive troll thingy for cockup of the week. I shall be bringing six-inch nails for your feet at throw-ins next time we play.
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GOOD JOB IT WASN'T MUDDY THEN
19 January 2003
Beautiful day, where were the pitch markings & who would have thought you could grow RICE in a penalty area? The sun was glinting off the small pond of surface water just outside the bottom penalty area and the view down to the Tamar was breathtaking.
We started badly, penned down in the bottom goalmouth & unable to go much on the attack. I'm not saying the going was soft, but at one point Lee fell on the ball whilst saving and it took a team of six specialist miners ten minutes to get the ball back up to the surface. With nearly half an hour gone Plymouth Uni's powerful midfielder Hagan put them a goal up and at long last we decided to compete. Geno threaded a ball through to Trine & this time she didn't misjudge the run of the ball - and scored the equaliser. Geno managed an unwanted first for the club - first caution. Big Shunt, it had to be you! - but it did land you the Osama award this week
After a few friendly words of encouragement from the guv'nor at half time (!) we went back out to play down the slope. The sun at our backs and not in our eyes also helped. Unfortunately the top goalmouth was stickier than the bottom one. This half we played more as a team should, and there was even some TALKING. Hard to believe, but it's true. On the hour Trine rounded the keeper to slot the ball into the empty net.
Unwise goalkeeping comment No. 1 "Come on, Uni, we shouldn't be losing to THESE."
Within seconds of those words being uttered we went 3-1 up when Nikki put the ball through to Rach who slapped the ball into the net. Trine completed her first hat-trick with ten minutes left, and Nikki could have made it five but committed a perfect "Lovejoy" instead, after an impressive solo run forward.
Sarah took Gromit home for the week for spending the afternoon breezing past her full-back & spraying in a shedful of well-decent crosses.
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GALMPTON ROLLE ON
26 January 2003
Oooooooooooooh, matron!
Galmpton are top of the table tonight after winning 6-0 and seeing local rivals Torbay Ladies Res lose to the division's bottom side, Plymouth Oak Villa Res.
Nikki set the goalscoring on its way with a penalty after she had been brought down in the box. Then Lee, standing in in goal for the second week, took advantage of the wind (sorry, I did say it was food poisoning) and launched a huge kick from her hands that bounced over the Rolle defence, and it fell to Trine's boot to take our second.
The second half was five minutes old when Rachel banged home one of Jo's excellent corners. We chased the ball from the kick off and Nikki had planted her second of the day in the net within sixty seconds of Rachel's effort.
Rolle were now playing up the hill but couldn't use their following wind as effectively as Galmpton had in the first half. On the hour Lee dived to cut out a cross and tweaked a rib muscle that she didn't know she still had, pushing the ball into the path of a Rolle forward. Fortunately the forward didn't raise the ball off the ground and Lee took the sting out of her shot, still lying on the deck, letting Kelly sweep in behind to stop the ball crossing the line.
Sarah, who seemed to have found the sort of 6 foot 2 centre-half the Guv'nor warned Rachel about before the match, found herself on the end of one or two 'positive' challenges during the game but came up with the perfect reply, scoring her debut goal for Galmpton.
Jo had been pushed forward from defence in the second half and ran through to score her first goal - that counts - for us. We tried to get the match abandoned, like it was the last time she 'scored' a goal, but we played to conclusion anyway.
Lee got Gromit for the week and Trine was unlucky to go home with Osama, since nobody did anything really, really stupid.
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HOW TO WASTE EVERYONE'S TIME
2 February 2003
Well, that was a nice drive. We'd only managed to get within two miles of the ground when we got the phone call to say the game was off.
I know Plymouth Uni's ground was a bit unplayable, but we played anyway, but you can err a bit too far on the side of caution, can't you? It was even more annoying to be allowed to travel when their manager said they'd called a game off on that pitch in the morning.
Over the bank from the pitch, where the only toilets were, it was a lovely view. Again. Why are the views out past Plymouth always so nice but the pitches less desirable?
We'll be back. Just remember not to drink too much when we do go back. Plus we'll have everyone back available again, so that'll be good.
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GALMPTON 1 TAXDODGERS 8
Sunday 23 February 2003
They were fit and a good team. But be fair, our pre-match jokes are infinitely better.
After losing 12-0 earlier in the season, 8-1 was a step in the right direction. Exeter Uni rolled up late for the 2pm kick off but were first out of the blocks when it came to the game. They scored four goals in a twenty-minute spell during the first half, but Nikki got one back before half-time, pushing the ball safely over the line after Trine got the ball across to her.
Nik's afternoon took a turn for the worse at the start of the second half when a challenge left her with an ankle injury which left her unable to carry on. An ambulance was called & she managed to keep hold of the entenox canister (wow, yeah, like, REALLY, man) despite Lee fancying the look of the painkilling gas. After a wait of several hours at Torbay Hospital the news was more encouraging - ligament damage & the loan of a magnificent pair of NHS crutches. Heal up quick Nik!
Exeter Uni went on to score another four goals in the second half & stay top of the division. We stay second.
Sharon "Chaq" picked up Gromit for the week, and "Jay" took Saddam home. She didn't want to, but the guv'nor made her. Thanks to Claire and Cub for 1. bringing the mascot and 2. stepping in to bring those of us who could be ar**d to stay long enough the chips & chicken nuggets.
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CROSS YOUR LEGS OR WATCH THE WORTHINGTON CUP?
Sunday 2 March 2003
Beautiful weekend, but apparently the inclement weather this week hasn't been too good for the pitches. The Staddiscombe v Galmpton game now reads 4 attempts to play, 4 failures. At least this time we didn't even get to turn the car ignitions on.
Be honest, though. Would you rather sit at home with a bottle of wine (or Mongolian lager, whatever), watching Frank Worthington's cup final, or would you sooner be checking your liquid intake all morning (for fear of needing a toilet) and playing at Jennycliff? Chaq, I know your answer already. Come on the 'Pool
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THE MATCH WITH EVERYTHING INCLUDING A HISSY FIT
Sunday 9 March 2003
Rolle only brought ten players with them & it's to their credit that one or two of us didn't notice. Blind muppets.
We started scoring after 15 minutes when Jo took a corner that curled straight into the net, but that was it for the rest of the half, playing into the slight breeze as we were.
The goals came a bit more regularly after the break. Geno got into this corner-taking thing and supplied Sarah with a goal after five minutes. Then Kelly got on the score sheet (sooo happy she forgot the silly celebration), followed by a screamer from Jo from 20 yards, although if we keep talking it up it might end up being blasted from 35-40 yards.
Talking of screamers Trine managed a debut hissy fit in the second half, showing considerable restraint when Lee told her we'd be stopping her eating sugar. Actually we think 'sunset yellow' food colouring could be the problem.
Claire then accepted some of Adam's luck, scoring her first goal for Galmpton, again from a Geno corner. In the last minute Jo notched up her hat-trick from yet another Geno corner.
Funnily enough, Gromit is sitting on Geno's mantlepiece for the next seven days, and Trine earned Saddam for her ability to turn her face purple for 30 seconds.
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PLYMOUTH OAK VILLA RES 6 - 0 SPECTATORS
Sunday 16 March 2003
Galmpton clearly decided not to compete this match. Plymouth OV Res were far far better on the day and deserved their win. The game finished with 11 players on each side because players showed self control. Ah, yes, control. We had a referee (I think). One of the spectators decided that both teams weren't putting together an exciting enough game & put on the finest floorshow we have seen in a while by deciding to accuse Cubby (level 5, very competent referee, & he hasn't paid me to say so) of being dishonest. The Cubster had apparently run into him whilst watching the game with the linesman's flag in his hand (no comment regarding referees here) & this apparently was a deliberate act which also meant his honesty HAD to be questioned. This geezer wouldn't let it go & spent the rest of the game winding everyone up - including his own team. Cubby, bless 'im, despite having in his possession a sharp stick with a flag on it, decided against ramming it where the sun don't shine, admirable restraint, what? All I can say is, standing on the touchline & moaning when a linesman runs into you, is a bit like standing on the railway track and complaining bitterly when the 6.47 from Paddington mows you down. Just goes to show you not all muppets are on the telly.
By the way, we played really badly, and Gromit is sitting forlornly on my fireplace since nobody was deemed good enough to take him home for the week.
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THAT'S THAT, THEN
Sunday 4 May 2003
Sorry for the big delay in passing on the final (non) match report. The League took the decision to award Galmpton the Staddiscombe (A) game, so we never got to sample the delights of the Jennycliff changing facilities.
And Rach is still, she's still, Jenny from the Cliff.
The three points mean we finish third in the table & there's a possibility we might end up being promoted. Will keep you all updated.
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Sunday 10 April 2005
I BELIEVE I CAN FLY
This report is being brought to you by the nine-fingered birthday girl GULFC hack ...
Barnstaple lost for the first time last weekend and were pretty hacked off at having lost their unbeaten tag so late in the season. Understandably we were poor competition and ended up on the wrong end of a 5-1 scoreline. Rachel got our goal but we were simply unable to stop them at the other end. Still, considering pretty much that entire team were playing as North Molton in the Premier division last season it's not as bad as it looked.
A lot of this game is lost in the haze for me I'm afraid. In the first half I recall being whacked off my feet and introducing the back of my skull to the pitch with a force of about 3G. Late in the second half I had jumped to head the ball when a small missile dressed in a football shirt came hurtling in horizontally and I landed about five feet away from where I'd taken off. Sadly I put my hand down to break my fall and even more sadly my thumb bent back to a new world record angle. Ouch.
Still, Lee's birthday cake was nice. 23 again. As if.
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