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spoofs
sang to the tune of "Chim Chiminy"
Crime! Criminals!
Crime! Criminals!
Crime wave - whoopee!
If you're full of fright
Then you might
Vote for me
Crime! Criminals!
Crime! Criminals!
Crime is the cause
'Cause fear of crime
Brings the time
For new laws
So now wave "Adieu", to
The human rights clause
Call me Home Secret'ry
Call me Charles Clarke
You'll find out my bite
Is much worse than my bark
The Tories and Lib-dems
My bill would have wrecked
Don't want me to lock up
Whoe'er I suspect
Where I won't budge is
On judges and proof
"Intelligence" tells, and
Ain't that the Truth?
So I say with derision
The decision is mine
To lock 'em up for
An indefinite time
If they're locked in their houses
They won't do the crime
But, now that the bill in the house
Has been passed
You might think the terrorist threat
Cannot last
Those softies have watered it down
What a shower
For it's best that in me rests
The ultimate power
Fear! Terrorists!
Fear! Terrorists!
Fear is the key
Don't vote for that geek
'Cause he's weak
Not like me
Ain't nothing here
That's tougher, you know
Than Clark's anti-terror bill
H.A.C.O.
In our crime criminal
Crime-fighting
Manifesto
sang to "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas"
I'm beginning to look a lot like Santa
Wider every year
There's some flecks of white in my beard
My red suit, that's kind of weird
A jelly belly from too many beers
I'm beginning to look a lot like Santa
Don't you ho ho ho
It's not funny, it makes me cry
And you ask the reason why
I say I don't know
I used to be very skinny, a regular mini, not like the Santas I knew
I wasn't complaining til I started gaining, and now I'm feeling quite blue
My waist size was a 30, now I take a 42
I'm beginning to look a lot like Santa
Can't go to the mall
Cause the kids see me at the Gap
They wanna sit on my lap
I can't escape those little brats at all
I'm beginning to look a lot like Santa
Just like Santa Claus
Don't you laugh cause it could be you
It could happen to you too
Don't you scorn and scoff
Just be glad that this isn't you
It could really make you blue
Yeah it ticks me off
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christmas spoofs
"Various Christmas Carols"
Ocome, all ye faithful
O come, all ye thriftful
Buying in abundance
O come ye with wailing babes
And get things for them
Come to the stores, we'll
Spoil your little angels
O come and do your shopping
O come and do your shopping
O come and do your shopping
Buy it all!
Away in a manger
(a chorus of cherry cheeked children sings the next)
Away in the Arctic
When kids are in bed
There's Santa and Rudolph
(His nose is so red)
To all the good children
He comes in his sleigh
And leaves them their presents
To find Christmas Day
Hark the hereld angels sing
Hark, the harassed housewives sing
Plastic trees are just the thing
Shops are crowded, kids are wild
Useless tat is bought for child
Sadly all the prices rise
Seems that Santa's left the skies
With the talk-show hosts proclaim
Society is all to blame
Hark, the harassed housewife sings,
I must buy Lord of the Rings
the holly and the ivy
The turkey and the gravy
With herbs and spices crowned
With all of the most tasty food
The turkey must be found
The wrapping of the pressies,
The pouring of the beer
The playing of merry boardgames
Shall aid our Christmas cheer
The turkey bears the wishbone
As magic as can be
And Christmas has the baubles
That hang upon the tree
The specials on the telly
The relatives are here
The drinking of sherry gladly
Will make this day less clear
in the bleak mid winter
In the bleak midwinter
Gifts are being thrown
Underwear of nylon
Last year's mobile phone
Prices fallen - out we'll go
Out we'll go
To the January sales
Spend our Christmas dough
silent night
Silent night, lonely night
Houses warm, gifts are bright
Love is hidden out of the cold
Tokens given, slivers of gold
Still we're longing for peace
Still we're longing for peace
Silent night, lonely night
Eyes avert from the sight
Broken world with hungry hearts
Seems that trouble never departs
Hope is clear out of stock
Hope is clear out of stock
Silent night, lonely night
Tucked away, out of sight
God's extravagant saving grace
Here marked worthless and out of place
Christ the Saviour is lost
Christ the Saviour is lost |
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