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Tour to Holland
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28 July to 1 August 2005
Chairman’s Diary
Ah, the Tour of 2005!! Winding our way amongst the windmills, cruising the canals, and delving amongst the dykes; what an utterly butterly great time was had by all.
Yes, the 2005 Band tour was to the lovely Netherlands. 25 of us set off to indulge a 5 day feast of music, bars, restaurants and more bars, and 25 of us made it back.
Here’s a brief, personal resume of our experiences.
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Day one: Sat on a coach all day
(except on the ferry when a seagull crapped on my trousers). Thanks to an accident on the M25 Andrew kindly led us on a detour of the leafy lanes of Surrey– very posh part of the world and testament to Andrew’s fine breeding and aristocracy. The fact that we missed the ferry by an hour is no reflection whatsoever upon Andrew’s navigational skills. Tribute to Phil for bringing the Top Trumps and reminding us firstly of the joys of playing the great game and secondly of the tedium of getting kicked out after five minutes and having to watch the remaining players battle it out for another hour. Congratulations also to the sleeping Matt for sliding so gracefully under the seat in front as the coach came to a sudden stop … and then we left Chippenham.
Arrived in Utrecht somewhat later than anticipated. After spending 20 minutes psycho-analysing the mind of the hotel lifts most people found time for a jaunt to the nearest bar for a beer or two.
Memories: Quick loo stops, card games, village greens and bird crap.
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Day two - Delft
 A quick wander into Utrecht first thing – I learned that it is illegal to cross the road when not indicated by the green man. If only the Policeman in our party had also known that at the time when the local constabulary accosted us.
Delft is a fine town indeed, famed for its pottery, town square and wonky churches. Arriving around mid morning the day was free until 6.00 to take in the pleasures of the town, wander the canal that circles the centre, and enjoy the museums, cafes, bars and other attractions that a sunny day bring to life. Matt and Emma impressed us all with their arrival in style back at the coach in the splendid luxury of a ‘velotaxi’.
Our first concert of the tour in the evening in the town square was a joy. With a reasonable crowd of admirers and surrounded by cafes and restaurants the photographers snapped away, Dutch people wondered where Chippenham is, and the odd local policeman was seen to jive to Big Band Classics – he was very odd!
Memories: Lovely town, Weissbier, the Beestmarkt (where one buys Beasts don’t you know!!), geranium bedecked Christmas trees.
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Day three: Amsterdam
 "What are you supposed to do with that?" one worldy member of the party was heard to ask as he slipped off his Utterly Butterly tee shirt on the way into the ‘shop’. A fine city on a gloriously sunny day, and so much to see and do. Lisa, our tour guide for the morning, was enthusiasm itself, not only giving us detailed insights into the city’s history, she also shared more personal perspectives on badly designed Council housing, the Underground, the Euro and Tony Blair. The lives of the residents of one housing complex in the town centre will be forever enhanced by the memory of Mark writhing on the pavement as he ungainly removed his trousers in the middle of the street.
The concert at lunchtime was in a courtyard of the Historical Museum – a small, captive audience benefited from the performance, but the band sounded good and the parrot in the corner sang tunefully.
Activities after the concert included a tour of the city’s fine canal network, although several members of the party – reportedly Mark, Dawn and Jon included - were reported to have ‘rested their eyes’ at this point. The Anne Frank Museum, the Heineken Brewery and other attractions heightened the cultural feast of the city, while Morwenna and I tried in vain to write off a pedalo against the walls of the canal system.
Memories: The Rembrandt Windmill, Council houses, canals and ladies in funny positions.
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Day four: The Hague
 Oh dear, it rained, and when it wasn’t raining there was a force 10 gale blowing. Plus it was Sunday so the shops and everything else in The Hague opened late. Splashing through the puddles on an early morning run with Andrew and Martin was very invigorating but it reminded me that I really should have bought two pairs of footwear.
Not a lot to say about The Hague in the rain; frantic rushing around with Morwenna to find Phil and Dawn a present (I liked the model of the knocking shop even if no one else did!). I have to praise the quality of buskers in the town – you have to go a long way to hear Pink Floyd’s ‘Wish You were Here’ played on an acoustic guitar.
That afternoon the nice man from Kijkduin was very generous in accepting our reasons for cancelling the concert, as he stood in his raincoat desperately clinging onto his hat. By this time next year they will have a new bandstand with sides to keep the wind and rain out – bit late for us though.
The day was brightened for Morwenna, Mark and I by a paddle in the North Sea in the rain. It was even further brightened for Mark and I as a rather high wave drenched Morwenna. Mark ‘the shark’ showed off his excellent sales skills on the coach by selling complimentary hotel chocolates to more gullible members of the party (Penny and I included).
Group march into town in the evening for the official tour meal, which was very nice, although the kangaroo steak that I had made me rather jumpy (I can’t believe how many people told me that joke!). How sweet of Alison and Andrew to share a lovers’ dessert – people will talk you know!! I now love Utrecht, if only because you can sit in a bar on a Sunday evening until 2.30 and beyond – bring on UK deregulation I say. Full credit and thanks to Martin, my room mate, for tolerating being woken up by a drunken fool in the middle of the night, every night.
Memories: rain, "please buy these chocolates you idiot", sleep deprivation, a very, very complicated restaurant bill for 750 Euros.
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Day five: Bruges and the way home
 All those people that voted against a fourth concert in Bruges on the way home should feel ashamed (of course I was completely behind the idea – ish). In my view it was the best of them all – a lovely setting in the middle of the City square, loads of people watching us, and much to Alan’s disgust we finished with a splendid rendition of the Queen Sing Along Medley. The coach trip was dull and was an opportunity to get some sleep, but thankfully Mark kept everyone ‘entertained’ for 10 hours by sharing his newfound ability of tying ‘Scoubies’ (thank you very much Ben for that bit of tuition!!)
At the front of the coach everyone laughed at 11.00 each day as Mike’s alarm clock went off again… and again… and again.
The two coach drivers deserve a mention. To those of us towards the rear of the bus they were just one driver and one other deranged fellow who apparently bathed in Dettol, shaved his own hair very badly, and whose only interaction was to tell the corniest jokes imaginable. However to those at the front of the coach they were a source of continual humour, Dettol, corny jokes, and bad hair lines. They got us there and back safely so I take my battered brown hat off to them.
Memories: Scoubies, Mussels for lunch, chocolates, sunset over the Channel.
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Conclusions
I had a great time, and everyone I spoke to in the party had a great time as well. If only it had gone on for longer. Alan tells me that the band sounded good, which is a great tribute to him, and the partners (aka ‘groupies’) took ample photos and mucked in with carrying equipment and the likes.
Well done and thanks to Phil and Dawn for organising the trip in advance and for making sure everything went smoothly when we were there. I don’t think anyone underestimates the time, work and stress that they both put in to it.
Roll on 2007 when we can tour another exotic location. Anyone interested in going?
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