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Advice on the best way to Communicate with your Neighbour
From time to time we may find ourselves in disagreement with our neighbour regarding a particular issue. These situations rarely resolve themselves, and tend to escalate quite quickly into even worse situations if the problem is not addressed.
It is important to let your neighbour know how you feel about the situation. They may not even be aware that their actions are causing you a problem.
There are two main ways of doing this: by speaking to them, or by writing them a letter. |
Speaking to your neighbour
Choose the most convenient time to call on your neighbour, and one that you feel may be a good time for them, i.e. when neither of you need to rush out to work or pick up children, etc.
Do not call on your neighbour when you are particularly distressed about the situation. Wait until you feel calm and more relaxed.
Be wary of speaking to your neighbour if either you or they have had a drink.
Have a clear idea in your mind about what you want to say. The three main points you may want to discuss with your neighbour are: the problem itself, how the situation is making you feel, and ideas of how the situation could be improved.
Do not try to communicate by banging on the wall or ceiling as that may worsen the situation.
If your neighbour becomes angry or verbally abusive, try to remain calm and focussed, but if the situation appears to be getting out of hand, leave immediately.
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Writing to your neighbour
If you do not feel comfortable about approaching your neighbour face to face at this stage, then writing them a brief letter may be the answer. Here are a few points to think about:
Think about how you would like to address them, e.g. first names sound friendlier whereas using surnames sounds mmore formal. On the other hand, you may not wish to be too familiar.
Think about what you want to say before you start and maybe draft a rough copy first. Make the letter concise and to the point.
A good opening line may be something along the lines of "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I was wondering if you were aware that..."
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Useful phrases when writing to your neighbour
General Notes
I'm sure there have been times when you have heard our noise, and if this is ever a problem please let us know. I realise you want to get on with living your life in your porperty and so do we, but recently there's been a (few) times when we've (been in bed/watching tv/listening to music) when we've been able to hear voices/banging, loud enough to stop us sleeping or loud enough to make it difficult to hear our own TV/music. It might be that the insulation is not very good. We'd really appreciate it if you could moderate the noise, especially (later) in the evening when we/the kids are trying to get to sleep. We're happy to talk about this, but rather than missing you when we knocked we thought we'd put this in a note, without trying to cause offence.
Music Noise
You might not realise that the insulation is poor and that at times the words from your music are clearer than those from my own TV. I don't want to turn the TV up too much as then you'd be listening to my TV.
You may not realise that the bass seems to cut right through the wall and that we can hear it right through the (lounge/bedroom). Any change of dropping the bass? If you want it might be helpful to put the music on and then pop round so you can hear how much comes through the wall.
Not sure if the speakers are on the dividing wall. If they are, I wonder if there is another wall that they could be put on that wouldn't vibrate the sound straight through.
DIY
We've still got some DIY to do ourselves so we know that you can't avoid noise when you're doing DIY. Also, once you've started a job (i.e. plumbing, electrics) or if there's an emergency, you have to finish or be without water, etc. There's been a few occasions recently though where we've gone to bed and we've been able to hear the banging going on througout the house. When we've done DIY in the past we've tried to stop the banging by 9pm, as we know the insulation isn't good enough to stop the noise. We'd really appreciate it if you could avoid the late evening sessions. Not trying to cause offence but thought we should let you know.
Dog Noise
We thought we'd best let you know that the dog seems to be barking a lot when it's left in the house/garden during the day. We know dogs will be dogs, and that if you get someone at the door or in the garden it's a good idea if the dog barks, but it seems to have gone beyond that. The insulation must not be brilliant as we can hear the dog whenever it barks, so if you're out for any time you can imagine it starts to become a bit of a nuisance. We can hear it over the TV/music or when we're relaxing in the garden/in bed etc. We realise you probably weren't aware of this and we're not trying to cause offence, but we'd appreciate it if there was any way of reducing the barking or keeping the dog in a room futher from our wall.
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